Several times through the past few years, dating back to Batter’s Box Year 1 (!) we have played around with the idea of anagramatics … word-play using people's names to find full anagrams that describe them (or, more commonly, don't describe them, but in a funny way). For example, my personal anagramatic is Michael Doherty = Hey, I'm a Tech Lord. (Not!) You can see from that example that we can add in punctuation – apostrophes, whatever – wherever necessary.
Given all that, let’s meet some of the newest Blue Jays … several have many options!
For example, Octavio Dotel splits nicely into the unfortunate anagramatic …
“Violated Coot.” But we’re pretty sure the new bullpen meister wouldn’t care for that option, so how about the (frankly, even weirder) “I'd Love to Taco”? When did Mexican fast-food become a verb? A Health-conscious Dotel might want to “Avoid Toe Clot” but hopefully he won’t start a “Too Vocal Diet.”
We all hope Dotel's sinker will be an “Ace Divot Tool” as he proclaims, proudly, “I love to act, do.” If he earns Cy Young consideration this year – and wouldn’t that be nice? – we can, as only Torontonians could (and maybe now Phillie fans) recognize that he managed to “Toil a Doc Vote.” Does Dotel raise young fish as a hobby, promising, “I love a cod tot”? Is he too elderly and wizened to help the Jays, or will he scoff instead, “Too Old? Active!” Ideally, at the end of this season, Jays fans everywhere will simply agree that Dotel is, most simply, a real “To-do cat I love.”
Unusually, especially after the rich options from Dotel’s name, several other Jay newcomers don’t have much to offer – unless you can think of something meaningful for “Uh, Con Jar?” for Jon Rauch or can imagine new skipper John Farrell ordering Rauch to take a dive ("Fall, Herr Jon!”).
He’s not really “new,” but is Kyle Drabek a shy hunter, exclaiming, “Bye, dark elk!”? And you knew we had to ask … Marc Rzepczynski? Well … actually, we’d need more vowels to do much, but I suppose his hair could someday earn an anagramatic nickname, if he dyes it reddish and gets it poufed, then shows off his new pilot’s license (yeah, we’re stretching it now) as “Zinc Perm Sky Czar.”
Come now, Bauxites, surely you can do better?