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Great idea from Bauxite bpoz:

Just for a laugh...does anyone want to comment on The Book of AA? For example: "We don't comment on any specific player, mainly free agents." ...  And, "If it makes sense then we will do it."  I know these are weak examples.  So hopefully more creative Bauxites will have a go at it.

So. then, let's have that "go at it" ... what other rules and commandments would go in The Book of AA? Keep each one to a line or two. Stay serious! And feel free to disagree with each other, in a friendly-like way. Ready? Go! ...

Writing the Gospel According to Alex | 30 comments | Create New Account
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John Northey - Wednesday, December 14 2011 @ 02:28 PM EST (#248708) #
Thou shalt not blab rumours
Thou shalt trade immovable contracts
Thou shalt covet young pitchers with 95mph fastballs
Gwyn - Wednesday, December 14 2011 @ 02:43 PM EST (#248711) #
- learn your cliches, they're your friends.
- an experienced closer is very, very important.
- don't ask, don't get.
Mike Green - Wednesday, December 14 2011 @ 03:18 PM EST (#248717) #
-love thy ace as thyself
-yea, though I walk through the valley of East, I fear no evil
-it is better to receive than to give

The soundtrack for the movie version includes "Our Lips are Sealed" and "Take it to the Limit".

Chuck - Wednesday, December 14 2011 @ 03:38 PM EST (#248719) #
The bible has 10 commandments. AA should have 12 steps.
Lylemcr - Wednesday, December 14 2011 @ 03:56 PM EST (#248721) #
I am thinking it was a blank book or a book that was locked down so tight nobody could read it.
Kelekin - Wednesday, December 14 2011 @ 06:04 PM EST (#248755) #
It's important that we make sure this book has the right parameters.
CeeBee - Wednesday, December 14 2011 @ 08:01 PM EST (#248784) #
Patience is a virtue
If at first you don't succeed, try again.
You can never have enough pitching......prospects.

TJ Caino - Wednesday, December 14 2011 @ 08:50 PM EST (#248796) #
Always look for ways to add young, controlable players with high upside.

(not funny, just what he kind of says.)
Zao - Thursday, December 15 2011 @ 12:57 AM EST (#248812) #
All players must help the team "going forward" and/or provide payroll flexibility "going forward".
hypobole - Thursday, December 15 2011 @ 01:22 AM EST (#248813) #
Thou shalt not be out-scouted.
hypobole - Thursday, December 15 2011 @ 01:27 AM EST (#248814) #
Thou shalt not covet more than thy value.
Matthew E - Thursday, December 15 2011 @ 10:41 AM EST (#248830) #
An All-Star at every position.
Geoff - Thursday, December 15 2011 @ 02:02 PM EST (#248869) #
In the beginning....

And Paul Beeston said, Let there be a competitive team, and there was a competitive team. And Paul Beeston said, Let Alex Anthopolous have dominion over the prospects of the farm, and over all the scouts of all over, and over the free agents, and over all the dealings with other clubs and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the Rogers Centre.

But of the tree of spending on free agents and long term contracts, thou shalt not eat of it freely: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die, unless you have the express written consent of Paul Beeston.

It is not good that the man AA should be alone. So Paul Beeston giveth him scouts in bountiful numbers: and they shall be one flesh. They sewed fig-leaves together and made themselves supplemental draft picks.

And Paul Beeston said unto AA, Thou art not JP's keeper of bad contracts. If thou cleanseth yourself of these contracts, thou may join me in the true executive lounge whenever thou pleaseth.

And Paul Beeston set a mark upon Vernon Wells.

AA was besieged for forty days and forty nights to make his first major transaction, meanwhile Roy Halladay found no rest for the sole of his foot. So AA waited yet another seven days; and again he sent out the Doc proposals to other GMs. And then Doc came to AA one evening and in his mouth was an offer from the desk of the Phillies' advisor Pat Gillick.

And AA waited another week; and on December 15 2009, AA sent forth the Doc; which returned not again unto him any more. Although most of us still hope against all hope to see the return.

...
Mike Green - Thursday, December 15 2011 @ 03:23 PM EST (#248880) #
Bravo, Geoff.
Matthew E - Thursday, December 15 2011 @ 04:14 PM EST (#248886) #
In the beginning....

And Paul Beeston said, Let there be a competitive team, and there was a competitive team. And Paul Beeston said, Let Alex Anthopolous have dominion over the prospects of the farm, and over all the scouts of all over, and over the free agents, and over all the dealings with other clubs and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the Rogers Centre.

But of the tree of spending on free agents and long term contracts, thou shalt not eat of it freely: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die, unless you have the express written consent of Paul Beeston.

It is not good that the man AA should be alone. So Paul Beeston giveth him scouts in bountiful numbers: and they shall be one flesh. They sewed fig-leaves together and made themselves supplemental draft picks.

And Paul Beeston said unto AA, Thou art not JP's keeper of bad contracts. If thou cleanseth yourself of these contracts, thou may join me in the true executive lounge whenever thou pleaseth.

And Paul Beeston set a mark upon Vernon Wells.

AA was besieged for forty days and forty nights to make his first major transaction, meanwhile Roy Halladay found no rest for the sole of his foot. So AA waited yet another seven days; and again he sent out the Doc proposals to other GMs. And then Doc came to AA one evening and in his mouth was an offer from the desk of the Phillies' advisor Pat Gillick.

And AA waited another week; and on December 15 2009, AA sent forth the Doc; which returned not again unto him any more. Although most of us still hope against all hope to see the return.

...

And that's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.
bpoz - Thursday, December 15 2011 @ 06:12 PM EST (#248898) #
Good stuff Geoff.
binnister - Thursday, December 15 2011 @ 06:34 PM EST (#248900) #

And Paul Beeston said, Let there be a competitive team, and there was a competitive team.

So, Paul Beeston is ...God?  I suppose that explains quite a number of things.

 And that would make 'The Serpent'....Internet Blue Jays Fandom?  ("Sign a Big Name FA.  You positively won't regret it later...")

 (Of course, 'Rogers Corp.' fits the role of Satan better, but the analogy breaks down when inserted into your 'Genesis' account)

Mick Doherty - Thursday, December 15 2011 @ 07:37 PM EST (#248906) #

Geoff, this ain't a competition, but it was, you won!

Do I have your permission, sir, to e-mail Alex Anthopolous an alert to this thread with a special callout to your work? Bravissimo!

gnor - Thursday, December 15 2011 @ 09:53 PM EST (#248920) #
I'm still laughing!
mamboon - Thursday, December 15 2011 @ 10:12 PM EST (#248923) #

In common language, I suggest the following for the Gospel oAccording to Alex.

"He (me) who is responsible for results around here works for the guy (Beston) who works for the people with the money that he (me) uses to get results around here." 

"In the end, the people who have the money will decide how long the guy (Beston) who works for them and the guy (me) who works for him (Beston) continue to work for them."

"And who would ever want to argue with the guy (Beston) who smokes premium cigars?  Certainly not me."

 The rest of us should relax, enjoy baseball,  buy our tickets, buy a jersey or two, enjoy a hot dog, and slug down a couple of beers at the ball park.

Mylegacy - Thursday, December 15 2011 @ 11:26 PM EST (#248928) #
In the Far East the Kama Sutra has 64 types of sexual acts mentioned in it's 10 chapters.

Alex judiciously exercises all of them daily in his domination of General Managers and Agents.

Or so it seems to them...
Geoff - Thursday, December 15 2011 @ 11:35 PM EST (#248929) #
I am quite appreciative of the compliments from one and all. Perhaps I've found my niche here in weaving blasphemous narratives for entertainment. Writing that, I was more expecting backlash for the sacrilege of my narrative from someone here than so many positive responses.

I am not one to contend with the desires of the masses, so if I have some gift of filling many of you with the Halladay spirit, here is a continuation of the narrative:

*******

And Paul Beeston spake unto Alex, saying,

Go forth out of the offseason, thou, and thy scouts, and thy prospects, and thy scouts' prospects with thee.

Bring forth with thee every available talent that is with thee, of all international backgrounds, both of pitchers, and of hitters, and of every high-end talent that creepeth upon the earth; that they may breed abundantly in the farm system, and teach each other, and multiply upon the organization.

And Alex went forth, and his scouts, and his prospects, and his scouts' prospects with him:

Every beast, every hitting thing with a good OPS, and every pitcher with good health, and whatsoever pitcheth nasty stuff upon the earth, after their kinds, went forth out of the farm system.

And Alex builded a roster unto Paul Beeston; and took of every draft pick by any means necessary, and of every talent stolen from other organizations, and offered the makings of a championship on the roster.

And Paul Beeston smelled a sweet savour; and Paul Beeston said in his heart, I will not again curse the Yankees any more for Alex's sake; for the imagination of Alex's heart will overcome evil from reckless spending; neither will I again smite any more JP Ricciardi, as I have done.

While the AL East remaineth, spring training and post season, and cold and heat, and pitching and defense, and day and night shall not cease.

Go Jays Go


John Northey - Friday, December 16 2011 @ 11:26 AM EST (#248967) #
Now _this_ is lots of fun to read. Good going!

And on the 7th day Rogers said to Alex 'You have done well, we now give you buckets of cash to use wisely on one player and one player only' and Alex did and fandom never again rested.

Or at least so we hope :)
Geoff - Friday, December 16 2011 @ 11:35 AM EST (#248968) #
For those curious, the recent adaptation was of Genesis 8:15-22; previous adaptation was more random of earlier passages.
Dewey - Friday, December 16 2011 @ 12:00 PM EST (#248973) #
These are splendid parodies, Geoff.  Congratulations.   Itís not an easy matter to get right.

Thereís an amusing photo in todayís Globe of a billboard depicting the Virgin Mary being shocked by her pregnancy-test results.  (The billboard was put up by a NZ church.)

And another fine blasphemer, Christopher Hitchens,  has died.  An excellent debater.  His death should elicit some good arrival-at-St. Peterís-Gates cartoons.
Geoff - Friday, December 16 2011 @ 12:12 PM EST (#248977) #
And another fine blasphemer, Christopher Hitchens,  has died.

That is sad news. He was one of the few men who understood the true value of champagne, lobster, anal sex and picnics.
bpoz - Friday, December 16 2011 @ 05:24 PM EST (#249009) #
This is good Christmas Cheer!
Chuck - Friday, December 16 2011 @ 05:55 PM EST (#249011) #

And another fine blasphemer, Christopher Hitchens,  has died. 

This is indeed a sad day for blasphemers everywhere. No need for RIPs, however. As Hitchens counseled his friends: "I'll be dead, not resting."

Very much like the Norwegian Blue, one imagines.

Geoff - Tuesday, December 20 2011 @ 01:14 AM EST (#249361) #
Perhaps I can bring some peace on Batter's Box with more fabled story:

*******

And Paul Beeston blessed AA and his scouts, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the farm system with the resources I have given you.

 And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every team of the American League, and upon every manager of those teams, upon all pitchers from those teams, and upon all their hitters that enter the batterís box; into your hand are they delivered.

 Every highly regarded prospect that liveth shall be a trade target for you; even as the budget allocations afforded have I given you all things to take power.

 But free agent talent with the high costs thereof, which is beyond the budget thereof, shall ye not enjoy.

And surely budget reports of your activities will I require; at the hand of every club executive will I require it, and at the hand of every scout; at the hand of every scout's brother will I require the budget report.

Whoso sheddeth Roger's money without justification and approval, by AA or myself shall his blood be shed: for at the pleasure of Paul Beeston be he employed.

And you, AA, be ye fruitful, and explore trade opportunities; bring forth abundantly to the farm system, and multiply therein.

And Paul Beeston spake unto AA, and to his scouts with him, saying,

And I, behold, I establish my covenant with you, and with your successors after you;

And with every talented player that is with you, of the starters, of the relievers, and of every hitter you have drafted; from all that go out of the farm system, to every major league stadium of the earth.

And I will establish my covenant with you; neither shall all money be cut off any more when people donít buy enough season tickets; neither shall there be any more budget cuts to destroy the player development system.

And Paul Beeston said, This is the token of the covenant which I make between me and you and every Blue Jay employee that is with you, for perpetual generations:

I do smoke my cigars under the dome, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the organization.

And it shall come to pass, when I close the dome over the Rogers Centre, that the cigar butts shall be seen in places beneath the dome:

And I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every employee of the organization; and the money in the budget shall no more be spent in any way but wisely.



bpoz - Tuesday, December 20 2011 @ 09:28 AM EST (#249390) #
Thanks Geoff. That is quite talented.
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