Hey, I took a night off from baseball yesterday, did I miss anything?
Randy is a stone-cold freak of nature. The man throws a perfect game at *40*? Needless to say, he's the oldest to ever do it. Cy Young was 37 when he threw his, Dennis Martinez and David Cone were 36.... Perfect game hurlers are getting older and older. Of the last five, four have been 34 or over, of the first five, four were under 28.... It's hard to believe that when Robertson and Ward threw their perfect games in 1880, it wasn't considered much of a deal - neither game hardly got mentioned in the newspapers. It would be 84 years before there was another perfecto in the NL.... Don't look now, but Pittsburgh and Montreal are the hottest teams in baseball.... That Jason Schmidt has one heck of a round face.... Geez, lookit me, I've turned into Larry King.... Aaron Gleeman, you're the meaning in my life, you're the inspiration.... Don't count out the Diamondbacks this year, especially not with Randy back in the saddle.... I wonder who's got the roundest face, LeCroy, Schmidt, Dennys Reyes or Olmedo Saenz.... How do you pronounce Saenz, anyway? Is it "science", "signs", "saynes", "sentz"?.... Is Tony LaRussa for real? So Taguchi?.... I bet the Yankees and Red Sox are going to flip back and forth out of first right down to the wire.... With the lineup that the Jays sent out against Santana last night, I was shocked they wound up with five runs.... These Twins are looking very good in the Central if they can get the back end of the rotation to hold up.... I love Frank Menechino as much as the next guy, but if Woody comes back I hope the Jays don't end up employing Berg, Menechino and Gomez all together.... Santana just doesn't look the same since he lost his arbitration case.... I'm starting to actually prefer Diet Coke.... The Royals have to come back, don't they? There's too much talent for that team to stay this far back.... If you're looking for a sleeper team in the NL Central, take Dave Miley's Reds. Talk about flying under the radar.... Rob Bradford has a new book coming out, I hear it's pretty good.... Does a new ballpark translate into success? Ask the Padres, who look like a solid bet in the NL West.... I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.... What's with everybody questioning Kevin Garnett now? Guy takes one shot to the head and suddenly everyone's calling him a wuss. If Anthony Peeler elbowed the BSG in the face, he'd wind up in the hospital.... You know who else is in the hospital right now? Troy Glaus. Torn labrum.... If any team can survive the loss of a home run leader, it's the Angels.... The Jays can definitely make a run at the leaders if they can start hitting lefthanders and getting lefties out.... Dontrelle Willis's strikeout totals are way down, has the league caught up with him?.... The Astros really tagged him yesterday, but that's one heck of an offense, they're looking great.... Craig Biggio for Comeback Player of the Year.... Hey, who would you rather have, Craig Biggio or Ken Griffey Jr.?.... For dinner?.... Can you even buy fishpaste anymore?.... The Mets can definitely go from worst to first, with their pitching and defense.... The Cardinals can't be counted out, even if Pujols turns out to be human the middle of their lineup is the greatest nucleus of talent since the Manhattan Project disbanded.... Mike Moffatt is really, really skinny.... Reggie Sanders' plate discipline has compeltely fallen apart.... Detroit are hanging onto .500 like an young dog on a fresh bone. Is Alan Trammell the Manager of the Decade? The Central is weak enough that they could still do it.... I saw Michael Kay count out the Oakland A's in his column recently. See you in October, blowhard.... Ichiro has a 15-game hitting streak. Isn't he exactly the type of guy who could take a run at 56 one day? He better do it soon.... Are you having a hard time telling when I'm serious and when I'm not? I sure am.... Those Orioles are surprising me with their offense. I knew they'd be better, but this much better?.... By the way, check out Baseball Prospectus's analysis of the '04 Orioles. The talk about going worst-to-first in singles is very interesting.... Cheers to Will Carroll for dropping into Toronto last week. Will, you really do look like David Wells.... That's not necessarily a bad thing.... Will's listeners in Indy will be happy to know that the Cubs look set to roll.... That hiccup against Schmidt has to be a fluke.... If the Rockies can just figure out a way to survive the road, they're going to start winning pennants every year. And remember, Dan O'Dowd is one of the game's savvier GMs now.... I think I may have 11-beta-hyrdoxylase deficiency.... Did anyone expect the Brewers to be at .500 right now? With all the talent still on the way? Can things really be looking up in Sucktown? Oh, that's right, Selig is selling the team. Of course things are looking up.... The Dodgers are holding it together with spit, scotch tape, and baling wire, but they're holding it up. What is DePodesta was really the source of those great deadline deals in Oakland?.... The very first knuckleballer ever to be drafted should come this year.... Count the Braves out at your peril, people have been doing it for years.... You never hear anyone say it, but Frank Robinson is still a handsome man. If you put a bar of guys together and told them they had to pick a big league manager to service, I bet they'd pick him.... Maybe Mazzilli.... Speaking of managers, Larry Bowa has ugliness on his soul. I will personally guarantee the Phillies the pennant if they only just fire the guy already.... The Mariners have too much talent to be in the position they're in, cue the comeback.... Gabba gabba hey.... The Marlins look awfully confident right now about their position. They will be in the mix right to the end.... Somebody tell me when Rod Black is finished talking.... If there's one guy out there who deserves a real shot on a big league team, it's Rontrez Johnson.... And Mike Crudale.... The White Sox and Indians are still hanging around, and they're going to surprise some people before the year is out. See you in August.... Scott Podsednik is unreal. I hope he starts picking his spots, I'd love to see him end up with 40 steals and 0 CS.... I like cake.... All kinds of cake, chocolate, white, carrot.... And you know something? I've blown smoke up the butt of 29 teams in this column, but I cannot find anything nice to say about the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.
THERE IS NO HOPE FOR YOU. ENJOY YOUR WORTHLESS SEASON.
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