Yes, it's playoff time again and time for a totally unrelated, almost completely non-baseball-related Batter's Box contest... the BBPSOBWTRCC.
I was walking through Union Station today and who should I walk past but the redoubtable CBC stalwart Rex Murphy. I immediately polluted the inboxes of the Roster, with my realization that while some third-rate celebrities you might mistake for someone else, there is no chance of doing so with Rex Murphy after one look at his sunken, terror-stricken eyes.
So I thought, I bet some of the Bauxites have much better "brush-with-third-rate celebrities" stories than I do. So naturally, what better way to entice them to put monkeys to keyboard than a genuine MLB Ichiro! Suzuki T-shirt. Featuring the face of the new, non-cheating Hit King himself, wearing a s***-eating grin and a moustache he apparently stole from a 14-year-old kid. Be the envy of your entire neighbourhood, tenement or cell block and the sworn enemy of St. Louis Browns fans everywhere!
Yes, this fine article of clothing bearing all manner of seals, holograms and sigils indicating that it is licensed, bonded and apparently notarized by Major League Baseball itself, will be awarded free of charge to the person who posts (in this thread) the most enjoyable "my brush with third-rate celebrity" story. All stories must have happened to YOU, and a baseball theme may help but it absolutely unnecessary. Post the stories here in this thread.
But wait! There's more!
Hang on a second... (guys, is there more? Yeah? OK.)
Yes, there's more!
An additional prize will be awarded to ONE random entrant, chosen randomly at random from all the entrants in the contest. Those entering multiple stories will receive multiple entries for the random draw, which means they will increase their random chances of randomly being chosen at random.
This identity of random prize is currently classified, but unlike our grand prize (wow, do I ever use that term loosely) has a Blue Jays theme.
The contest closes at midnight on Friday, October 15. The winner will be announced on Monday, October 18 (electioneering for your favourite stories is encouraged throughout the contest) and the random draw winner will be randomly chosen via a random process (to be randomly determined from a randomly assembled list of random processes) at a randomly determined time on October 18.
The winner will be chosen by me, and I likes teh funneh, so if you want to win you'd better make me laugh. Personal embarrassment (yours or someone else's) in these types of stories is always a plus, as is the phrase "do you know who I am?", as is the inclusion of some sort of posse. Third-rate celebrity posses generate some of the funniest stories this side of Spike Milligan's war memoirs.
The only restriction is that it must be a third-rate celebrity. No second-rate or first-rate celebrities are eligible (though they will be eligible for the random draw) so when Gideon responded to my story about Rex Murphy with a Paul Molitor story, that doesn't count. Paul Molitor is a Hall of Famer and therefore (just barely) a second-rate celebrity. All celebrity ratings will be established by me, assisted by a randomly chosen people of random experts. Second-rate celebrities will be considered as honorary third-rate celebrities if they have a large Unintentional Comedy Value, such as Don Johnson, or H. Ross Perot, or Derek Jeter. George Steinbrenner stories, though they constitute shooting fish in a barrel, are also eligible.
No fourth-rate celebrities. A fourth-rate celebrity is someone that two out of three experts have never heard of (doesn't have to be a name... if we recognize the description, like "the guy who played Fred Savage's brother on The Wonder Years", it's OK). Famous economists do not even count as fourth-rate. NO famous economist stories will be permitted.
Lastly, I am not eligible. This means that I won't bore you with further Rex Murphy stories, or seeing Kelvim Escobar at the mall, or cursing a blue streak in front of Jays owner Ted Rogers, or getting a pubsecent crush on Sarah McLachlan one evening, or standing in line at the LCBO behind Red Green, or puking in the same bathroom as Sloan. (I was puking. They were - as far as I know - not puking).
Enjoy the contest, post away!
https://www.battersbox.ca/article.php?story=20041008105235999