"Come on, can't we turn this off and watch Survivor?"

Friday, March 11 2005 @ 10:00 AM EST

Contributed by: Named For Hank

Spring Training Game Report: Yankees 8, Jays 0.

Mrs. Hank pretty much caught the essence of last night's game in one sentence. And while we did not shut it off and watch Survivor because I have some perverse sense of duty that made me watch to the end in order to be fully informed so that I could do a bang-up job on this game report, I didn't go back and watch my recording of the first couple of innings that I had only heard on the car radio. I couldn't do it to myself.

Good stuff happened, sure, but not too much of it. Yesterday afternoon I asked where the real Yankees had gone, and, well, here they were: relentless, especially when presented with a juicy error or misplay to capitalize on. Russ Adams had as many great plays as bad ones, but I think that's good news -- it shows that he can make the great play, not just the error.

The broadcast was better than I was expecting: it wasn't HD, but it was above average for standard definition stuff. The sound was great, very simple and clean with a minimum of things that go WHOOSH or ZOOM (and a total absence of things that crackle like they're on fire). The sound of the bat contacting the ball and the sound of the ball thumping into the catcher's glove were just perfect, the stadium announcer could be heard with lots of atmospheric stadium echos, and individual voices could be heard in the crowd. Sportsnet people: if you gave us a sound mix like that, it would elevate your broadcasts from a low A to complete perfection.

I was surprised that the YES-men didn't give us too many howlers. Actually, the howler of the week, perhaps of the month, maybe even the howler of the whole off-season, came from one of our own:

"I guess J.P. can't leave well enough alone. Team is rolling along, flips Batista into the pen for no apparent reason and then they get spanked by the Yankees 8-bagel. UGH!!!"

Now, regardless of whether you view Batista-as-closer as a good or bad thing, I cannot see how Batista-as-closer lost last night's game for the Jays. It's so totally beyond my capability to comprehend that I have decided to make this the subject of an NFH Challenge. I know, I know, the original poster was just venting frustration and picked J.P.'s most recent move as a convenient target. But, in the spirit of the NFH Challenge, no post is safe! You better believe it if you're going to throw it out here for everyone to read. And so:

NFH Challenges anyone to explain to him how Batista's switch to the role of closer caused the Jays to lose 8-0 to the Yankees on March 10th, 2005. Yes, the original poster is more than welcome to defend him or herself.

Here are the scenarios that I came up with and dismissed:

1: Batista is so much better as a starter than Chacin that there would have been no Yankee runs scored.
Reason for dismissal: Batista was not scheduled to start last night. Also, even if Batista had no-hit the Yankees, the Jays could not have won without scoring any runs.

2: Batista's move to the closer role shook up and demoralized the rest of the pitching staff.
Reason for dismissal: Moving Batista to the role of closer means that both Towers and Chacin are virtually guaranteed major-league starting jobs when the regular season starts. They'd be the opposite of demoralized, they'd be elated -- they'd both been dueling for one spot, and now they both get one. That's pretty win-win if you ask me. And those two guys gave up the majority of the runs.

3: With Towers and Chacin guaranteed starting jobs, they became lazy and pitched poorly or were working on new pitches for the upcoming season.
Reason for dismissal: Lazy? You've got one guy who's been in the minors a little too long looking at his big break, and another who's never turned in a lazy performance in his life. I'm not going to buy that for either of them. Now, they could have been working on new pitches -- it's Spring Training, why not try out your new stuff on the Yankees? That's the whole point of Spring Training. But then I can't see how we get an "UGH!!!" comment out of that, because it's not negative, not the fault of J.P. Ricciardi, and not something to be concerned or upset about. So that cannot be what the original poster meant.

4: Batista, filled with excitement at being named the closer, taunted the other Jays pitchers as they were pitching, calling out "Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii aaaaaaammmmmmmmm theeeeeeeee CLOSER!" during their windup and release, throwing them off.
Reason for dismissal: The audio of the game last night was great, and we would have heard it.

5: Batista gave Chacin those sunglasses and told him, "Here, go pitch with these on, you'll look cool," and the glasses were really mild prescription lenses and messed up Chacin's depth perception.
Reason for dismissal: Batista would have done that even if he wasn't the closer.

Can you come up with something better? There's a fabulous* prize involved here. Points will be awarded for both plausibility and creativity. And remember, if there's no proof that it's false, well, it could be true.

Oh yeah, and let's talk a bit about that Batista-as-closer thing. I don't have a problem with it, because he came out and got the job done last year. It wasn't pretty, but pretty doesn't count in baseball anyways, or that fuscia-socked team that Moffatt showed us in yesterday's Report would be tearing up the league. Who cares what his starter numbers say? They're only tangentially related to how he'll perform as a closer. Maybe Batista is the Jack Morris of closers. I know, that comment is going to drive a lot of people up the wall. Sorry, I had to.

Anyways, this move gives Chacin a shot at the big-time, and I want to see if he's really got what it takes. That funky delivery is a lot of fun to watch.

*some words have different meanings to different people.

54 comments



https://www.battersbox.ca/article.php?story=20050311074945868