A Star-Studded Enterprise

Tuesday, May 10 2005 @ 11:18 PM EDT

Contributed by: Mick Doherty

Some time last week, Magpie managed to work the "immortal Jean-Luc Picard" into the lede for one of the final official Game Threads. If you don't know -- well, first, shame on you -- Picard is the captain of the starship Enterprise-D from the mid-1980's TV show Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Given that Mags posted that thread on the same day the WB network announced with finality that Enterprise, the current iteration of Star Trek, would not return next season, it got me to thinking ... could we combine the two great geek passions of my life, Baseball's Hall of Names and science fiction (specifically in this case Star Trek) to come up with an All-Trek lineup?

Even though nobody named "Picard" has ever played major leage ball, with FIVE series and something like forty-six movies in the can, we ought to be able to field a pretty, um, stellar (har!) team. Warp factor nine, Mr. Magpie. Engage!

The rules for building this team: we will focus on leading characters in the shows and movies and fill in with supporting characters as necessary. We will use character's family names (not "last" names, as I'm sure you're all aware that cultures such as those on Bajor put the family name first and the given name last, as with Major Kira Nerys of Deep Space Nine).

Many of the key alien players have, shall we say, unusal spellings to their names, so we allow for some leeway there. However, no first names as last names (sorry, Kirk Gibson); and ironically enough, no fictional characters (sorry, Kevin Costner as perfect game pitcher Billy "Nurse" Chapel); no almost-but not quites (go away, Doug "not quite captain" Sisk); and as tempting as it may be, no random Star Trek words that aren't names (we have other catchers, Glenn Borgmann). So let's see how this goes.

Players are listed by actual major league position with their Star Trek character equivalent named parenthetically.

Character Key:
TOS: Star Trek, The Original Series
TNG: Star Trek: The Next Generation
DS9: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
STV: Star Trek: Voyager
STE: Enterprise
ST1, ST2, et cetera: indicates movie by release

Player Key:
* indicates All-Star
** indicates Hall of Famer

MGR/C Mickey COCHRANE** (STVII warp drive inventor Zefram Cochrane)
1B Buck LEONARD** (STE Admiral Daniel Leonard)
2B Benny MCCOY (.271, 1938-41; TOS Doctor McCoy)
SS Don KESsinger* (STV Ocampan hitchhiker Kes)
3B Kelly PARIS (1982-88; STV helmsman Tom Paris)
LF Thurman TUCKER* (WWII All-Star for '44 CHW; STE chief engineer "Trip" Tucker)
CF Max CAREY** (2664 hits; original STV chief engineer Joe Carey, RIP)
RF Kal DANIELS (.285, 1986-92; STE Temporal Cold War agent Daniels)
DH Pete O'BRIEN (169 homers, 1982-93; TNG, DS9 engineer Miles O'Brien)

C Dick RAND (.240, 1953-57; TOS yeoman Janice Rand)
MIF Dasher TROY (.243 2B/SS, 1881-85; TNG counselor Deanna Troi)
CIF Ed "Jumbo" CARTWRIGHT (106 RBI in 1894; ST4 & ST6 Admiral Cartwright)
OF George "Deerfoot" BARCLAY (.248, 1902-05; TNG, STV engineer Reg Barclay)
UTIL Hector TORRES (.216, 1968-77; STE chief engineer B'Elanna Torres)
UTIL Jerry TERRELL (.253, 1973-80; ST2 captain Terrell)

RHSP Mike SCOTT* (124-108; beaming TOS engineer Scotty)
LHSP Bill KIRK (0-0 in one 1961 KCA start; TOS captain Jim Kirk)
RHSP John ODOm* (84-85; DS9 security chief Odo; points for "Blue Moon")
LHSP Eddie YARnall (1-0, 1999-2000 NYY; TNG security chief Tasha Yar)
RHSP Darryl KILE (133-119; TOS transporter chief Kyle)

CL Byung-Hyun KIM (STV ensign Harry Kim)
RHRP Ron REED (146-140; 103 saves; STE weapons officer Malcolm Reed)
LHRP Jim ARCHER (5 saves for '61 KCA; STE captain Jonathan Archer)
RHRP Bert CONN! (1898-00 PHI; Ricardo Montalban's TOS, ST2 Khaaaaannnnn!)
RHRP/SP Joe DECKER (36-44, 1969-79; ST1 Commander Willard Decker)

Scanned for but either cloaked or otherwise not located: Spock, Sulu, Uhura, Chekov, Picard, Riker, Data, Laforge, Guinan, Pulaski, Sisko, Worf, Dax, Quark, Bashir, Dukat, Garak, Nog, Janeway, T'Pol, Neelix, Phlox, Mayweather, Sato, Tuvok, Seven, Forrest, Saavik, Sarek, Harriman

Well, lots of possible changes, of course -- for instance, should we switch out George Scott at 1B and Dennis Leonard as a SP for Buck Leonard at 1B and SP Mike Scott? And who's missing here, anyway?

Fans of Star Trek -- Trekkies and Trekkers alike (hint: if you know the difference, you're the latter) -- please chip in here! Non-fans, you'll be happy to know that we checked, but no player has ever reached the majors with the character string geek, dork or nerd in his name. However, there may be a spot on the bench for Steve "Psycho" Lyons ...