The Usual Post-Game Gloating

Wednesday, September 14 2005 @ 03:25 AM EDT

Contributed by: Magpie

While we await a pinch-hit Game Report from distinguished Bauxite Four Seamer, we once more amuse ourselves in the traditional way after a defeat of the Red Sox.

You know what that means...

Yes, in the Red Corner, it's the Boys and Girls from the Sons of Sam Horn - NufCed, Felix Mantilla, and all of those guys.

And, in the Blue Corner, last night's Bauxites logged in and yakking away on the Batter's Box Game Chat.

Participating in the Chat, as usual, was Bauxite regular PaulS. Who happens to be a Boston Red Sox fan. Nobody's perfect, and our best counsellors are doing their best, and we live in hope that this condition can someday be cured. But in the meantime, PaulS has stated that he had certain objections seeing his name in Blue, when he was in fact cheering for... the other guys.

I hope he enjoys the compromise I have arrived at, in an attempt to indicate that although he walks within a Blue World, his heart is Red.


bosoxx05 - Clement vs Downs. Props to Papi and Paplebon lets win again tonight.

andrew_k - I've got the nesn feed

PaulS - Has Remy coughed yet?

jose melendez - It’s time for Jose Melendez’s KEYS TO THE GAME.

1. Randy Johnson awoke one morning to find himself transformed into an enormous bug. 
Overnight, he had become a great gangly creature with cruel crooked limbs and angry 
snapping mandibles framed by wiry hairs....

3. Following Terry Eurona’s decision last night to use Mike Timlin in a difficult seventh 
inning situation rather than saving him for the ninth, Tony Castrati raised the 
prospect that the Sox had returned to the dreaded “closer by committee” concept... 
Jose is just fine with them going back to the committee approach, at least until 
Keith Foulke regains his health. All the committee needs is some good bylaws and rules 
of procedure to ensure that it functions smoothly.

• Mike Myers shall never pitch to a righty and Republique du Tchad Bradford shall 
never pitch to a lefty unless absolutely necessary.
• Mike Timlin shall never pitch with men on base.
• Jeremi Gonzalez shall never pitch ever.
• All committee recommendations on pitching changes will be based on a simple 
majority vote of the coaching staff. In the event of a tie, Johnny Pesky, as coach pro 
tempore, will cast the deciding vote.
• In the event that the committee gives a pitching change a favorable report, the change 
will go to the Massachusetts State Senate for a vote on engrossment.
• After engrossment, the proposed pitching change will be printed on parchment and 
sent to the House.
• If the House engrosses the same pitching change, each house will then vote on enactment. 
If not, the Senate pitching change proposal and the House proposal will go to a 
conference committee of three members from each house.
• The pitching change reported out of the conference committee will then be 
voted on by each house, without amendment, and sent to the Governor for signature.
• If the Governor signs the pitching change, then Terry Eurona can make the move. If 
he vetoes it, both houses must override the veto by a two-thirds vote for the pitching 
change to be made, otherwise the previous pitcher will remain in the game.

Jose knows this seems like a slow and laborious process that could result in pitchers 
being left in a game for far too long, but Jose will bet you that it will still be a 
much faster hook than Grady Little’s
I’m Jose Melendez, and those are my KEYS TO THE GAME.

Marbleheader - No Halladay, win this series.

andrew_k Rios is sitting today -- probably a good thing. Gross deserves a chance to pass him on the depth chart

Alacoldart - ... it just doesn't feel right to make insulting parodies of people's names unless they're wearing pinstripes. They're the Blue Jays...that should be bad enough without having to add insult to...well...insult.


Magpie37 - Andrew, you said something yesterday about cricketers not working so much on the fielding?

andrew_k - They do work on fielding of course, but not nearly as much as MLB players.

Magpie37 - Thought I remembered that. Came across an old Thomas Boswell piece. He had a British sportswriter friend visiting. Boswell took him to see a baseball game. He wasn't nearly as impressed by what Boswell thought would impress him. Turns out, he already knew guys could hit the ball hard, throw hard, curve the ball. But the most routine defensive plays absolutely dazzled him.

andrew_k - There are very few clever "plays" in cricket -- no double play for example. So I was fascinated by the flip and pivot by the 2B or SS in the double play

Magpie37 All stuff we take for granted. Judging a fly ball, trotting over to the spot. We've been doing it all our lives.

andrew_k - On the other hand, there are so many different batting strokes in cricket, which is totally different from baseball with just one or two types of swing

Alacoldart - Uh...Tony, that thing on your shoulder...that's a bat. You get to swing it more than once per AB. This isn't Cricket.

DrZarco - Renteria has been a pretty big disappointment

Joe D Reid - Not sure I like the bunt attempt with the supposed bad back.

DrZarco - Ha -Ortiz trying to bunt

PaulS - I like how they keep letting him bunt and don't bother to react

Magpie37 Why is this happening? Ortiz with the bunt?

Rickster - He did it successfully a few weeks ago in Anaheim - I mean LA

NYCSox - Christ guys - can't you make a simple play in the OF.

PaulS - Aw Jesus. Does no one calls balls on this team?

gwynp - Well youve got a couple of guys out of position there Paul

Rickster - Like Grafanino in the majors

LynnRoyalRooter - Texas leaguer into right center...Graf goes back back back back...Millar and Kapler never call him off...Graf eventually catches it as the three of them almost collide... SMOOTH!

PaulS - Millar doesn't like to defer to anyone in the field. Millar wants every ball hit near him. He often dives to get balls at first that aren't his

Alacoldart - It was the Red Sox...on a popup just out of the IF. Nothing you haven't seen before. :) Graf made the catch, though.


Jobu - What's the score gents?

andrew_k - It's already 0-0

LynnRoyalRooter - Crooked number...lets get to the pen on these guys, they burnt it out last night...make this guy work

Magpie37 - This Florida-Houston series. This is huge, right? McKeon sets up his rotation so he's got Willis, Beckett, Burnett pitching against Houston. Does Phil Garner do likewise? Not a chance. Backe, Rodriguez, Clemens. No Oswalt, and no Pettite who's been their best pitcher for the last month.

PaulS - Waechter is getting shelled.

Alacoldart - Waechter walks in a run. Bases STILL loaded, STILL no outs. Yeah, I think this one might be out of reach pretty soon. All the more reason to win tonight, boys!

PaulS - Quick, someone calculate Waechter's Game Score!

Magpie37 - Waechter's Game Score: 19

MikeForbes - Tampa Bay is my favorite team that sucks.

Alacoldart - I hate Corey Koskie. Why is it that everytime he's up, Koskie seems to get on-base against us? This guy has had an awful season, but he owns our pitching. C'mon Clement! Knock it off! It's too soon to be behind to these sh*theads again.

AnotherK4Koskie - Hinske you bum

Pandemonium67 - I know I'm senile, but for some reason I get Corey Koskie and Eric Hinske mixed up.

Pandemonium67 - I never get Gregg Zaun and Paula Zahn mixed up.

PaulS - Freaking Millar. That was some beer league level defense

WayneHousieHOF - Outfield defense is pathetic. Another long night indeed.

Magpie37 - Imagine the possibilities. Kevin Millar in RF, Tony Womack in CF. Who should play left?

iluvremy - Greg frickin' Zaun. Why is Millar in the outfield again? Oh yeah, we need his bat. :angry:

reggiecleveland - There is not a single starter on this team I like to watch. Almost all of them do so many bad things like walk the lead off guy. hang pitches to bums, etc. Clement just loses his ability to pitch from batter to batter.

AnotherK4Koskie - The Gabe!

andrew_k - wow!

PaulS - That was no cheapie like his Yankee Stadium one

PaulS - There is something so wrong about Black saying "off the schneid"

Mazara - Anyone else think that Gross shot was gonna end up in the 5th deck? Then it suddenly dropped at the last minute and landed in the bullpen

fox13weather - I'd rather see Papi in right field instead of KFC.


LynnRoyalRooter - Well, the Blow jays did score 5 in the 7th last night against is possible that the highest scoring team over the last 3 years might be able to pull together to score 6-7 runs, right?

AnotherK4Koskie - Paul, you a Red Sox fan?

Magpie37 - PaulS is the Embedded Boston fan amongst us.

PaulS - Embattled, is more like it

Magpie37 - Five year rule! Five year rule!

PaulS - Five year rule means I won't bitch if they don't win the whole thing again, but I can bitch about other things

Alacoldart - Kapler grounds out on ball four. Can we send him back to Japan?

trekfan55 - On the bright side, this Downs fellow is already at 48 pitches and Toronto emptied their bullpen yesterday. And as I type this Graf grounds out on the 1st pitch. :angry:

reggiecleveland - To help my bad mood get worse Rob "Mr. Figureskating" Black is the play by play guy on the Jays broadcast.

PaulS - Ah, the dulcet tones of Rod Black. How I've missed thee

Marbleheader - This is going to be one of those nights. Steriod enhanced MFYs look to be in control. Sox look listless. Looking at 2.5 games.

Spacemanlee2000 - God, with the payroll excuse finally dead regarding finishing second to NY, now the Nation is going to harp on the steroid issue for eternity, nothing like looking like a bunch of whiners. Please stop embarassing the nation with the crying over steroids. I was hoping with 2004 we could end the whining and excuses, I guess I overestimated...

Alacoldart - Wow...another first-pitch-swinging out. I'm shocked, SHOCKED!


curly2 - Is it cheaper to mail in a game in Canada than it is in the U.S.?

srb89400 - Do you think the Jays thought it was all over yesterday when they were down 5-0?

Return of the Dewey - Yes.

AnotherK4Koskie - It'd be funny if the Blue Jays get overlooked when they come into Fenway right before the Yankees

Magpie37 - Twenty five naked dancing girls would get overlooked if they came to Fenway before the Yankees.

Nuf Ced - This game is not over.

Romero Romine - What is the logical conclusion of the futility against pitchers they haven't seen yet? Would a high-school pitcher throw a shutout? A little-leaguer a no-hitter? If I'm Mike Scioscia, I'm thinking seriously about putting a forty-week embryonic fetus on the playoff roster, so long as it can bring the deuce.



PaulS - That raises Millar's road SLG to around .260

LynnRoyalRooter - it me or does Batista look like Peanutheads kid?

Return of the Dewey - That was not a productive out.

Rickster - Rod Black has no idea where he is

Return of the Dewey - For some reason, I do not have much confidence in Kapler getting this runner in...

trekfan55 - How come people on this thread are acting like we lost the division and the WC? Is being in first place (after battling hard to get there) so difficult to grasp?

Alacoldart - Kapler does something, kinda...domo arigato.

AnotherK4Koskie - Is it me or does Adams have no potential as a solid defensive SS?

Braby21 - It's just you

Romero Romine - ...And thank you for being two inches shorter. I hope you drank coffee as a kid, Downs.

onesoxyladee - Jesus Christ, Graffanino...way to kill our best chance to get back into this.

reggiecleveland - Bellhorn wouldn't have done that......

TimNJsoxfan - "Was it over when the Germans bombed pearl Harbor?!!?"

Rickster Way to go Koskie!

Stu Nahan - Nice job, Matt. Hand that run right back.

trekfan55 - OK, Gameday's dead. Anyone care to fill me in?

Diamond Don Aase - Yes, Gameday was killed by a routine ground ball at Error Renteria.

FelixMantilla - Before the season started did ANYONE predict Edgar would be leading the league in errors?


941827 - Did ER see a single strike during that AB? Take a frikkin' pitch!

smcs - oh come on

switchhitter33 - Ortiz is not human.

PaulS - He almost hit the display!

Who The Hell is Stan Papi - Papi go boom, seriously

Braby21 - He's a stud

smcs - Has it been figured out how to pitch to Ortiz yet

Magpie37 - They should pitch Ortiz underground.

Pumpsie - Ya know, I'd feel a whole lot better about everything if we were playing good ball right now but the team is taking a header just as they should be gearing it up. Matt Clement has given us little chance to win this one. Those kinds of starts can't happen anymore. And I hate the Blue Jays whose only goal this season seems to be keeping us out of the playoffs.

BBAnon0 - Hey whats the deal with Griffin? Why isnt Gibbons putting him in the lineup?

MikeForbes - Gibbons has a crush on Cat.

CaramonLS - Well, we have a spare DH spot that JFG could use. Or we could send him over to 1b.

BBAnon0 - No Hinske's too good, he cant afford to get Hinske out of the lineup

MikeForbes - We can't bench Eric Hinske, Caramon! Thats crazy talk.

Magpie37 - What's all this then? No respect for the guy who's hitting .333 this month? The guy who hit .348 last month?

MikeForbes - Magpie... Are you the secret Hinske sympathizer we all hate?!

PaulS - I love the term "sympathizer"

Magpie37 - Yes. I am the Dude's Advocate!

Rickster - Look, Mags. We've decided not to like the guy. Please don't use any "stats" to argue with us. We cannot be reasoned with.

Magpie37 - I know. I absolve you!

Rickster - Phew

HoserHead - Don't worry. Tomorrow I will tell you exactly when the dude figured it out, and if and/or when it stopped clicking for him this month

trekfan55 - I get a phone call and turn around to read about Papi's HR. That is a nice way to get things started. And Walker comes in again. Let's pound him please.

BBAnon0 - Oh, here's the hero from last night pitching

Braby21 - Good thing Ortiz isn't up

Who The Hell is Stan Papi - ok, Millar, you fat lard, come get some ham.

Romero Romine - Nice hold by Sveum.

Magpie37 - Is this it for Walker? Can he beat out Downs for the 6th starter/long guy job next year? because I think McGowan might be out of options...

Braby21 - I think Downs will be the new Walker next year for sure

MikeForbes Walker's done, I think.

Magpie37 - I think this is McGowan's third year on the 40 man, and there's no way he clears waivers.Wasted one year on the DL, what can you do. But he turned pro in 2000. Should check on that - but I think he would have had to be added to the 40 man in 2003.

CaramonLS - I'm praying for a Towers non-tendering.

WayneHousieHOF - Bad AB for Yooks there. Well, at least we're back in the game.

srb89400 - What is with the golf clap from the Blue Jays dugout?

Nuf Ced - Jays lead cut in half. Hold the line now.

Mazara - Why is Clement still in the game?

trekfan55 - Dear Mr. Clement: The fact that the Red Sox have scored here does not in any way mean that you must give the runs back to Toronto.

Nuf Ced - That's exactly what the Red Sox needed from Matt Clement. 1-2-3


Magpie37 - Batista is rested and ready. Just thought I'd throw some sunshine down on y'all. :-)

MikeForbes - Thanks Mags. I can't wait.

kevlog - I'd like Hazel Mae to massage my feet. Is that odd?

Nuf Ced - No, it would be odd if you wanted a back rub from Paul Devlin.

Old Fart Tree - I'd like nine consecutive hits, please.

iluvremy - I'm not thinking happy thoughts about Renteria right now.

Who The Hell is Stan Papi - I think I would have more faith in Keith Richards pitching at this point.

ragecage - I actually own that shirt and wore it yesterday.

Old Fart Tree - Mine just arrived in the mail. I think I'll wear it tonight to make myself feel better. That, or masturbate furiously and drink until I pass out. Either/or.

Mazara - I can't believe you guys have lost faith in Hill

Magpie37 - I haven't lost confidence in Hill. I'm waiting to see what he turns out to be. He hasn't proved much of anything yet.

MikeForbes - Ortiz scares me no matter what.

Braby21 - Ortiz doesn't scare me, I love bombs

MikeForbes - The Babe is back.

Braby21 - I'd be the worst GM ever, I'm signing Gross longterm right now, haha

CaramonLS - Mike don't make me kill you. No "babe" talk.

Smithers - Would you prefer the extended level of the Braves success with only 1 title or the Jays quick 2 and years of 3rd place?

Magpie37 - Cox and Mazzone would have the Royals in first place.

Braby21 - Braves could win with my Dad's slowpitch team

MikeForbes - Braves could win with my soccer team.

Magpie37 - No matter what happens... Braves win. Brian Jordan and Raul Mondesi? No problem. Three starting pitchers - Hudson, Hampton, Thomson - go on the DL at the same time? No problem. Chipper gets hurt, Estrada gets hurt? No problem.

AnotherHR4Ortiz - Ah, Rent, worth every penny

iluvremy - Oh great. Vernon Wells.

Return of the Dewey - Unbelievable.

Stu Nahan - Renteria is absolute horror show. He's not hitting and the defense is laughable.

Braby21 - Boston's defense is horrible right now

MikeForbes Nothing wrong with the glove there. It's the arm!

kevlog - It was as if he couldn't decide whether to go to first or second so he compromised.

Nuf Ced - You should console yourself with

Braby21 - Name nine worse guys together out there?

CaramonLS - They should just move Mueller to Shortstop, since hes easily their best defender.

AnotherHR4Ortiz - I think it's worse than it was last year when Theo was all "We aren't... going anywhere with this D"

Magpie37 - How about a little respect for their rifle-armed left fielder!

Smithers - Okay, is it the Green Monster that gives Manny so many assists or what?

CaramonLS - No its because people run on Manny, since he has a terrible arm

Smithers - What is his natural position?

Braby21 - DH!

CaramonLS - DH!

MikeForbes - Hinske's stupid. He's actually getting on base and he's like "What'd you do that for? I was gonna strike out!"

Braby21 - Hinske's not stupid, he's sick of guys throwing at his head.

Rickster - Good job, Eric

MikeForbes - I just want the Jays to get a big lead so we can see Griffin.

Number45forever - What a depressing evening. MFY up by about 200 runs against Tampa. The Red Sox getting smoked.


kevlog - Umm....rally caps???

Smithers - I say give JFG some love - if Gross can do it so can he

Smithers - Maybe Gibbons is trying to save his 1.000 avg

Rickster - "Moonlight" Griffin

MikeForbes - JFG will never play again.

Pumpsie - Swear to God, if we lose this game 8-7, I'm going to Toronto to kick Edgar Renteria right in his vagina.

reggiecleveland - Just wait until Edgar's 33 and making 10 mill to play third against lefties. We can laugh at the Yankees bad contracts all we want but his is a bad as any.

iluvremy - Is Jimy Williams managing the Blue Jays? They've used a lot of pitchers the last two days.

AnotherE4Number3 15-2 Yankees.

Rickster - Scho is having a career year in terms of ERA. He has dominated against lefties.

Smithers - And remember we were annoyed we missed out on Steve Kline?

MikeForbes - I've come to grips with it.

Mazara Manny's speed was too much for that DP to be succesfull

Magpie37 Manny hustles down the line because Manny doesn't know it's an 8-3 game. Manny doesn't know that they keep score. He's just out there, playing, having fun, goofing around.

MikeForbes - Thats just Manny being Manny. I Hate that...

Braby21 - Manny is the Man(ny)

Magpie37 - I like that about Manny. So many corporate athletes today, who talk in Sound Bites. Manny is one of a kind.

pk1627 - We need Curt to be Curt tomorrow.

onesoxyladee - Too bad Wells is pitching. ;)

MikeForbes - No!

CaramonLS - NO!

MikeForbes - Batista warming!

Braby21 - I've never seen a 3b on his hands and knees more than Mueller

Nuf Ced - Just when you thought it couldn't get worse......

reggiecleveland - I'm going to go beat my dog, good night,


Marbleheader - Just need 7 guys, 7.

Rickster - I think Batista is coming in

Rickster - Get ready for some drama!

iluvremy - What the heck? They bring in their closer up by 6 runs. They must think its the World Series or something.

AnotherE4Number3 - I think Batista was better when he used "Gangster's Paradise." "Stranglehold" is awesome and all, but he needs to go back.

Mazara - If you all were closers, what'd your music be? Mine'd be "Taken' Care of Business"

MikeForbes - "Machinehead" by Bush.

Rickster - Anything by Weird Al

PaulS - "Why Can't We Be Friends"

Braby21 - "Pimpin' All Over the World" by Luda

smcs - "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"

Mazara - Respect. Dropping.

Nuf Ced - Game ends with one last kick in the crotch from Vernon Wells. Terrific.

MikeForbes - Nice way to end it.

onesoxyladee - Wow, what a catch. If it were a one-run game, I might have put my fist through the wall.


Braby21 - That wall needs to be a lot shorter, so Wells can rob more bombs....a la Yankee Stadium last year.

Magpie37 - Agreed Braby21. I don't know why the hell they have a 10 foot wall. What for? Even if it were 8, that would be so much more fun.

PaulS - I hate high walls like in Cleveland

Braby21 - Exactly...isn't robbing homeruns entertaining? they should put fans in charge of Baseball. I hate high walls anywhere except for Boston

MikeForbes - I think the walls should be lowered.

LateRally - There are some games where you're glad you didn't watch a single minute of it. This was one of those games.