"ALF ... on, so" Long Ago ...

Friday, June 02 2006 @ 03:09 PM EDT

Contributed by: Mick Doherty

Okay, so Edgardo Alfonso (read the headline out loud) doesn't have a hit yet. Maybe some "Hall of Names mojo," if there is such a thing, will spur him to three homers and seven RBI next time the Jays play. And when Batter's Box posted a poll earlier this week seeking a new nickname for the former All-Star, more than half of those who responded essentially voted to retain his ongoing nickname, "Fonzie."

Running a distant second at less than 17 percent of the vote was "Alf" -- hmm, maybe Bauxites, despite the success of our previous All-Star Trek team, don't care much for the idea of Alien Life Forms. But setbacks like that have never stopped the Hall of Names! In fact, did you know that if you enter "Alf" into BBRef's Player Search, you'll get more than 100 returns?

We might end up with a heck of a team here, with no less than nine All-Stars and/or Hall of Famers ...

For whatever reason, of the various Alfs who have played in the big leagues, the cream of the crop all played middle infield positions ... Edgardo Alfonso, Alfonso Soriano, Alfred "Billy" Martin, Alfredo Griffin, Alfonso "Chico" Carrasquel and Glenn Alfred Beckert, to name just those MIFs who made an All-Star team at least once.

But don't worry, the team doesn't have to play "Billy Ball," as Martin's 1253-1013 career managerial mark, while impressive, doesn't quite measure up to Hall of Famer Alfred Lopez and his 1410-1004 record. It is worth noting that Martin led six teams to the post-season while Lopez took only two squads there, while "leading" a team to finish in second place no less than TEN separate times.

Besides, Lopez, a two-time All-Star catcher -- yup, he starts for this team there, too -- probably wasn't quite a Hall of Famer as a skipper OR as a player, but when you combine his Jim Sundberg-like playing time of 19 years with the managerial mark, he has that plaque in Cooperstown. And unlike most seasons in his managerial career, in this case he beats out the guy from New York.

The other two Alfs to manage in the bigs, Pedrique and Reach, were both also middle infielders, and combined for a career mark of 22-68. So let's move on. Yes, move on and meet ...

A.L.F.: Alien Left Fielders?

** denotes Hall of Famer
* denotes All-Star

Player/Manager: Alfred Lopez** (1410-1004)
Coach: Alfred "Billy" Martin* (1253-1013)

Lineup
C Alfred Lopez** (.261 in 19 years)
1B Alfred Stanley Benjamin (mostly OF, hit .229, 1939-45)
2B Glenn Alfred Beckert* (.283 in 11 years; '68 Gold Glove)
SS Alfonso "Chico" Carrasquel* (.258 in 10 years; four-time All-Star)
3B Edgardo Alfonzo* (.287, 146 homers through 2005)
LF Alfred Cowens (.270, 108 homers, 120 SB; 2nd in '77 AL MVP)
CF Alfred "Greasy" Neale (.258, 139 SB in nine seasons)
RF Alfred Ferrara (.259 in 8 years; double-digit homers, 1967, '69-70)
DH Alfonso Soriano* (.280, 162 homers, 169 SB through 2005)

Bench
C Alfred Spohrer (.258, 1928-35)
IF Alfredo Griffin* (.249 in 18 years; '84 All-Star, '79 AL ROY)
IF Frederick Alfred Parent (.262, 184 SB, 1899-1911)
OF Alfred Pilarcik (.256, 1956-61)
OF Alfred "Allie" Clark (.262, 1946-53)
UTIL Alfred "Chubby" Dean (1B/RHRP)

Rotation
RHSP John Alfred "Footsie" Marcum (65-63, 1933-39)
RHSP William Alfred Hands (20-14 for '69 CHC; 111-110 career)
RHSP Alfred "Roxie" Lawson (18-7 for '37 DET; 47-39 career)
RHSP Alfred Peter Standridge (4-1 for 1915 CHC)
LHSP Alfonso Pulido (1-1 for '86 NYY; 0-0 for '83-'84 PIT)

Bullpen
CL-RH Antonio Alfonseca (45 saves in 2000; 121 through '05)
LH-SET Alfred Holland* (34-30, 78 saves)
RH-SET Frank Alfred Linzy (62-57, 111 saves, 1963-74)
LHRP Alfonso Osuna (18-10, 14 saves, 1990-96)
RHRP Alfred Papai (9-14, 4 saves, 1948-50, '55)

Notes ... Charles Alfonzo Beamon Sr. and Charles Alfonzo Beamon Jr. were a right-handed reliever and a left-handed 1B, respectively, each lasting parts of three big league seasons; the younger Beamon concluded his career with the '81 Jays ... Carrasquel was the first Latin-American All-Star in major league history ... Pilarcik was involved in three trades in his career, involving no less than 17 total players ... Neale, of course, is a professional football Hall of Famer ... Dean -- Chubby, not Dizzy, alas -- played 1936-43 and hit .274 in 157 games as 1B, while compiling a 30-46 record in 162 games as LHRP ... Maybe he should be starting at 1B? ...

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