Ain't No Field of Dreams

Sunday, November 26 2006 @ 06:35 PM EST

Contributed by: Mick Doherty

We're almost done working our way through the process of building a Hall of Names roster for each of the 25 most-common male names in North America; in fact, just two remain -- #22 Anthony and #23 Kevin. In honor of the man who's made more baseball-themed movies than anyone not working as a big league advance scout, let's go with the latter for now -- though for the record, no, no Costner character (Billy Chapel, Crash Davis, even Ray Kinsella) will be considered eligible.

There are, however ...

... 89 returns on "Kevin" from our friends over at -- and apparently, it's not much of a middle name option here in North America, as fully 82 of those are given first names -- just Darrell May, Marc Hill, Brian Fisher, Marty Cordova, Eric Bruntlett, Brady Anderson and Brendan Donnelly are elimintated by the long-standing no-middle-names rule. And of those seven, though Cordova won a Rookie of the Year award, only Anderson and Donnelly have made an All-Star team, so it won't cut into roster depth too much.

And oh, sure, you can complain about Chuck "The Rifleman" Connors and how he should be included on the not-eligible list, but his full given name was Kevin Joseph Aloysius Connors, so he's in (but doesn't make the team).

Alas, by that logic, the very best Kevin ever to play in the big leagues, RHSP James Kevin Brown, is NOT in, while another fine outfielder, Walter Kevin McReynolds, is also eliminated. Well, rules is rules -- and if you can't stand the heat, stay out of the Kevin. Er, kitchen. Whatever ...

Still, that leaves us with some 80 candidates, though that number will probably grow as we go forward; only seven of those 80 appeared in a MLB uniform prior to 1980, and most not before 1990; Connors (1949-51), in fact, is the only one to appear at all prior to Mets IF Kevin Collins in 1965. Regardless, here's a roster for a team we might as well think of as ...

Kev-in, Kev-out
** indicates Hall of Famer
* indicates All-Star

Manager: Kevin Kennedy (309-273, two division titles, 1993-96)

Starting Lineup
C Kevin L. Brown (.254, parts of 1996-2002)
1B Kevin Millar (.287, 126 homers nine years, through 2006)
2B Kevin Jordan * (.258, 1995=2001 PHI)
SS Kevin Stocker* (.254, 1993-2000)
3B Kevin Seitzer* (.295 in 12 years)
LF Kevin Mitchell* (234 homers, '89 NL MVP)
CF Kevin Bass* (.270, 118 homers, 14 years)
RF Kevin Mench (.271, 81 homers, five years through 2006)
DH Kevin Youkilis (.275, three years, through 2006)

C Kevin Higgins (.221, 1993 SDP)
IF Kevin Elster (.228 in 13 years; .252/24/99 with '96 TEX)
1B/3B/OF Kevin Young (.258, 144 homer 1992-2003)
OF Kevin Reimer (.258, 52 homers, 1988-93)
1B/DH Kevin Witt (.233, 15 homers through 2006)
UTIL Kevin Sefcik (All but C, 1B; .275, 1995-2001)

RHSP Kevin Appier* (169-137, 16 years)
RHSP Kevin Millwood* (123-86, 10 years, through 2006)
RHSP Kevin Tapani (143-125, 13 years)
RHSP Kevin Gross* (142-158, 15 years)
5SP-R Kevin Ritz (45-56, nine years, 1989-98)

CL-LH Kevin Saucier (13 saves for '81 DET; 19 career)
RHRP Kevin Gryboski (12-8, five years, through 2006)
LHRP Kevin Gregg (11-8, 2003-06)
LHRP Kevin Hickey (9-14, 17 saves, 1981-83, '89-91)
RHRP Kevin Foster (32-30, 1993-2001; mostly SP)

The Kevinth Inning Stretch ... The pitching staff is made up of a rotation composed of a bunch of really solid #3 starters and a lefty-heavy bullpen won't scare any of the other all-name lineups ... Kevin Hickey had a really interesting career arc; or is that two careers? He spent three years (124 games) with the 1981-83 White Sox, then was out of the majors for five years, then three more years (107 games) with the 1989-91 Orioles. In the interim, he was "the other" PTBNL in the deal that cost the Yankees Doug Drabek for Roy Smalley ...

This team's weakest position? Hard to argue with catcher; the aforementioned Marc Hill, he of the .223 average over 14 seasons in the bigs, would pretty much lock down the starting job if eligible; as it is, Kevin "The Catcher" Brown, who came up to the Rangers after the also aforementioned Kevin "The Pitcher" Brown, ineligible for this roster, had departed for Baltimore then Florida ...

This may be the worst defensive all-name team yet assembled, but you can't spell "Kevin" without committing an "E" ... and, as Stocker, Mitchell, Mench and others are bound to remind fans, it all starts with "K" ...

So, Bauxites, with an eye on the bottom line -- that'd be Kevins and losses, of course -- how can this team be better?