The Unpublished Compensation Packages of Darren Oliver, by Jeff Frye

Saturday, January 19 2013 @ 07:07 AM EST

Contributed by: Named For Hank

Yesterday I received a package from an anonymous tipster familiar with the Darren Oliver situation. In it were copies of a large number of faxes purportedly from Jeff Frye to Blue Jays brass. I was stunned -- I mean, who faxes stuff in 2013? I was also surprised at how many of the alternate compensation packages didn't make it into the press.

In no particular order, here are some of the unpublished compensation suggestions put forward by Jeff Frye on behalf of Darren Oliver:

- Going forward, Darren Oliver will be coin operated
- 8th inning 500 level collection plate
- Box office cash goes in a wind booth post game, Oliver can keep as much as he can grab in 30 seconds
- finger sandwiches, no crusts
- SUPERMARKET SWEEP in a Rogers Plus location
- Selling chocolate covered almonds in the bullpen to benefit underpaid relievers
- A $500 bonus for his client to wake up, and a further bonus for reporting to work
- Additional "insurance" against "accidents"
- Unlimited breadsticks, plus pre- and post-game salad bar access in the press box
- Two front row tickets to War Horse every night that the team plays at home