Way back on January 10, Batter's Box asked the leading question, what is it with baseball and lawyers? After input from the esteemed Jamey Newberg and the seven or eight dozen shysters who frequent these here parts of the Web, the matter was largely dropped.
Then more recently -- just last week, in fact -- in a standard "Baseball's Hall of Names" feature, we examined the posibilities presented by an "All-Doc" (or alternatively, an "All-M.D.) team.
And if you've been to college, you know the pre-law guys don't want the pre-med guys to have anything they don't get (and vice versa), so we feel obliged to offer an "All-Legal" team here on Batter's Box. However, we'll take a bit of a different tack than we did with our medical squad -- and be sure to watch for the wacky Chief Justice Showdown at the end of the show!
NEW! Sidebar comments with a complete "All-J.D." team and Craig Burley's special complete team of all actual lawyers!
Sure, sure, Keith Law is your GM, no question about that. But we're not actually looking for real-life lawyers so nobody suggest that Tony LaRussa should be the manager. And we can't find anyone named "Lawyer" in baseball history, and just four guys named "Law" (plus one named "Lawless") ... and please, we're not going to go through the dozens of guys named "Lawrence" but if you really feel strongly about the latter, see the 2/19/05 Hello, Larry entry.
We're also going to allow words like "Case" but not their far-more-prevalent name counterparts like "Casey." Agonizingly, we'll also decide to only go with "Bond" instead of "Bonds," for linguistic reasons as well as the fact that Barry and Bobby already anchor at least two other Hall of Names teams. Similarly, we lose potential all-stars like Jesse Barfield and Len Barker by setting the standards to pass the "Bar(r) Test" at making it the whole, not just part of, the player's name.
Fortunately, none of the men named "Crow" in MLB history had the first initial "S" so we were not faced with the decision of whether or not to risk putting the team in "S. Crow."
No, instead this team will feature any number of players who have names that might be heard as legal terms in a courtroom or otherwise at a cocktail party full of lawyers (read: a Batter's Box after-hours mixer). Thanks to the various Bauxites who contributed ideas along this theme to the All-Financial Terms team back on 4/14/04, and more recent thanks to Mike Green and Jordan Furlong for their suggestions. Finally, thanks especially to Mike Denyszyn who's brilliantly warped idea of pitting the U.S. against Canada in Supreme Court Chief Justice baseball leads to a -- legal term used in the journalistic sense here -- sidebar that follows below.
While we wait longingly for Texas Rangers failed-catching-prospect-turned-
hot-pitching-prospect Chris Jaile to make it to the show and into the All-Legal pantheon (joining our own Spencer Fordin, also known as Dr. Prison Fence, who is the logical choice to cover this team, along with George Will, perhaps), here's a start, anyway:
THE LEGALLY BLONDES
* Indicates All-Star
** Indicates Hall of Famer
MGR: JUDGE Fuchs (56-98 for 1929 Boston Braves)
Pitching Coach: Vern RUHL (67-88, 1974-86)
LINEUP
C: Johnny BENCH**
1B Joe JUDGE (.298, 2352 hits, 1915-34)
2B Craig COUNSELl (.268, 200+ games each at 2B, SS and 3B)
SS Wayne CAUSEy (.252, 1955-68, also played 2B, 3B)
3B Vance LAW* (all but C; pitched 7 games, 3.38 ERA better than dad's)
LF Mike A. MARSHALl* (.270, 148 homers, 1981-91)
CF George CASE* (.282, 349 SB, 1937-47)
RF David JUSTICE* (305 homers, 1989-2002)
RESERVES
C Clint COURTney (.268, 1951-61)
C Roy "Ex" PARTEE (.250, 1943-48)
1B Bunny BRIEF (.223, 1912-17)
MID IF William SUEro (.233, 1992-93 MIL; traded by Jays for Candy Maldonado)
COR IF Ernie COURTney (.245, 1902-08)
OF Rudy LAW (.271, 1978-86)
UTIL Lave CROSS ("examine") (.292, 2645 hits; did all but pitch)
ROTATION
RHSP Vern LAW* (162-147, 1950-67))
LHSP Frank FOREMAN (96-93, 1884-1902)
RHSP Jim BARr (101-112, 1971-83)
RHSP Tommy BOND (234-163; three-time 40-game winner, 1877-79)
RHSP Charlie CASE (21-16 for 1904-05 PIT)
BULLPEN
CL Mike G. MARSHALl* (188 saves, 1974 NL Cy Young)
LHRP Scott BAILes (39-44, 13 saves, 1986-92, '97-98)
RHRP Gus "Pro" BONO (0-2 for 1920 WSH)
RHRP Bob FILE (6-4 through 2004)
LONG-RH Kevin Ritz (45-56, 1989-98, pronounced "writs")
Now, the question is, can someone come up with a team to battle these guys, one that would literally be Against The Law? Sure, Tom Lawless is easy. Maybe you even got Tom Crooke and Tom (what is it with the Toms?) and Ben Grieve-ance.
Of course, you can always go with current Diammondback closer Brandon, 1950s-era catcher Harry and former Giant, Cardinal and Pirate lefty hurler Bob (circa the late 19teens) to form the "anti-Law firm" of Lyon, Chiti and Steele.
And who else?
SIDEBAR, YOUR HONOUR
The U.S./Canada Supreme Court Chief Justice Hall of Names Showdown
WWF Tagline: "Bang the Gavel. The Robes Are Off."
Now, according to the aforementioned Mr. Denyszyn, the ensuiing lists show the names of those who have been Chief Justices in the Supreme Courts of North America's two largest countries. I admit (in open court), I am leaving this to his expertise and not engaging in anything as tiresome as "research" or "verification."
Incidentally, you might recall that Craig Burley once pieced together an All-Canadian-Prime-Ministers team in response to the November 2004 Election feature All-U.S.-Presidents team, so there is precedent for this. So on we slog:
In the interest of this not taking the rest of my life, we will only consider players who have had the exact same last name as one of the justices; so the U.S. doesn't get Fred Toney or Waite Hoyt; Canada doesn't get Hugh Duffy or Barry Larkin.
Chief Justices of the U.S. Supreme Court: Jay, Rutledge, Ellsworth, Marshall, Taney, Chase, Waite, Fuller, White, Taft, Hughes, Stone, Vinson, Warren, Burger, Rehnquist
NONE: Rutledge, Taney, Waite, Taft, Rehnquist
On the U.S. side, we get lots of options thanks to the presence of Misters Chief Justice Marshall, Fuller, White and Hughes. A couple of nondescript Vinsons didn't make the team; Wally Berger was charbroiled by the spelling rule while Warren Spahn was overturned by the last-name-only rule. But speaking of Warrens, a very ordinatry Warren White beat out Terry Hughes for the 3B job partly based on having the better career (duh!) but also partly because both his first and last names are Supremely appropriate. (U.S./Canada chart follows below.)
Chief Justices of the Supreme Court of Canada: Richards, Ritchie, Strong, Taschereau, Fitzpatrick, Davies, Anglin, Duff, Rinfret, Kerwin, Cartwright, Fauteux, Laskin, Dickson, Lamer, McLachlin
NONE: Taschereau, Anglin, Rinfret, Fauteux, Laskin, Lamer, McLachlin
Wow, this is going to be harder than I thought. We'd better get a whole boatload of Richardses, Strongs and Fitzpatricks, beecause at first glance, this doesn't look too promising -- and even though Canadian Jason Dickson has some decent spell-alike namesakes out there, unfortunately the rules prevent us from even glancing longingly at the various Dixons who've reached the big leagues.
Okay, it appears (can you tell this is being written on the fly?) that with some finagling, we can fill out most of a team except for the entire left side of the infield (what's with Canada not being far left enough, anyway?) or pretty much any of the bench spots.
So we'll defer to Mike Green's observation in that U.S. President/Canadian P.M. debate of a while back. What he said at the time -- "Well, you know, Mick, it's not exactly cricket to compare Canada 1867-present with the U.S. of A. 1776-present. You'll have to give up your early presidents" -- also really applies to the Supreme Court Chief Justices, as Canada has only had one since 1875 (Richards), while Jay took that role in Washington, D.C. back in 1789.
But rather than eliminating U.S. Chief Justices, we'll expand the Canadian options to include all the other current justices of the highest court in the true north strong and free.
Of course, we can't dare give the same option to the Americans, as the additions of common MLB names like Kennedy, Day/O'Connor, Stevens and Thomas would undoubtedly make the U.S. roster even stronger. But let's at least see if we can fill out the Canadian roster.
Hmmm ... would you believe that not a single player with any the eight names of the current Canadian justices (Major, Bastarache, Binnie, LeBel, Deschamps, Fish, Abella and Charron) has ever made it to the major leagues? So no help there.
Tell you what ... here are the rosters as they stand. Now, you come up with a fair way to fill out the Canadian roster; we'll consider all reasonable possibilities -- adding the Prime Ministers? (But then, does the U.S. team get the Presidents?) Designating Anne Murray a ceremonial Chief Justice? What?
*indicates Hall of Famer
**indicates All-Star
| CANADIAN JUSTICE | POSITION | U.S. CHIEFS |
| Paul Richards (923-901) | Manager | Hal Chase (86-80) |
| Paul Richards (player-manager, .227) | Catcher | Sammy White* (.262) |
| Jumbo Cartwright (.295) | First Base | Hal Chase (player-manager, .291) |
| Ed Fitzpatrick (.227) | Second Base | Frank White* (.255, 160 HR) |
| VACANT | Shortstop | Edward "Doc" Marshall (.258) |
| VACANT | Third Base | Warren White (.255) |
| Gene Richards (.290, 247 SB) | Left Field | Roy White* (.271, 160 HR) |
| Jamal Strong (0-for-12 so far) | Center Field | Devon White* (.263. 346 SB) |
| Dan Kerwin (4-for-6; career OPS+ 339) | Right Field | Willard Marshall* (.274, 130 HR) |
| Pat Duff (0-for-1 as PH) | Designated Hitter | Bill White* (.286, 202 HR) |
|
1B Fuzzy Richards (.296, 10 games) VACANT VACANT VACANT |
Bench |
C Doc Marshall (.210) OF Mike Marshall* (.270, 148 HR) IF Vern Fuller (.232) IF Roy Hughes (.273) |
|
RH Murry Dickson* (172-181) RH Todd Ritchie (43-54) RH Jason Dickson* (26-25) RH Walt Dickson (26-50) LH Lance Dickson (0-3) |
Rotation |
RH Joey Jay* (99-91) LH Dick Ellsworth* (115-137) RH Mike Warren (9-13) LH Doc White (189-156) RH Tom J. Hughes (131-175) |
|
CL Jay Ritchie (RH, 8-13, 8 sv) RH Jim Dickson (5-3, 3 sv) LH Chick Davies (4-6, 6 sv) RH Joe Strong (1-1, 1 sv) LH Wally Ritchie (6-5, 4 sv) ?H George Davies (18-24, 3.32) |
Bullpen |
CL Mike Marshall* (RH, 188 sv) RH Jim Hughes (15-13, 39 sv) RH Tom Hughes (56-39, 16 sv) RH Dick Hughes (20-9, 8 sv) LH Dean Stone* (29-39, 12 sv) RH Ken Chase (53-84) |
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