Sadly, I started it Friday afternoon, and finished it in the middle of that night's game. And posting this at any point during the series would have been a grave karmotactical error.

There was a preamble to this monotonous horror story, explaining what it is and outlining one suggested drinking game. I cut it out, though - it seemed kind of unnecessary.

***

19. Saturday, April 16, 2005: Jays 8, Rangers 0

Blue Jays 0 1 0 0 0 3 0 3 1 -  8 12 1
Rangers   0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 -  0  4 1

Gustavo Chacin's best game ever. In his third start of 2005, Gus surrendered a mere two hits over eight shutout innings to run his record to 3-0. Kenny Rogers took the loss. Of note, Reed Johnson was plunked three times in this game, twice with the bases loaded. Miguel Batista put three runners on in the ninth, but managed to preserve the shutout.

18. Thursday, April 14, 2005: Jays 2, Rangers 1

Blue Jays 1 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 -  2  5 1
Rangers   0 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 -  1  5 1

A complete game from Roy Halladay, but it wasn’t easy. Frank Catalanotto led off with a double and scored on a sac fly. The Jays would hold that 1-0 lead until the top of the fifth, when Richard Hidalgo hit a broken-bat infield single, and Adrian Gonzalez followed by pulverizing a first-pitch fastball off the top of the wall in right for a double, moving Hidalgo to third. Doc rose to the occasion, whiffing David Dellucci and Rod Barajas to prevent a sac fly, but Gary Matthews beat out a cheap two-out infield single to tie the game, despite John McDonald’s best efforts.

In the ninth, with the Jays back on top 2-1, Doc struck out Hank Blalock and Michael Young to lead the inning off. But because it’s Texas, Mark Teixeira kept the game alive with a single and Hidalgo walked, bringing Gonzalez back to the plate one last time. Gonzalez hit a grounder to first, which was fielded by Eric Hinske. Upon picking up the ball, Hinske slipped, but he still managed to shovel it to Doc to complete the 2-1 victory.

17. Tuesday, July 4, 2006: Jays 3, Rangers 2

Blue Jays 0 0 0 0 0 2 0 1 0 -  3  6 0
Rangers   0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 2 -  2  9 0

Another strong showing from Halladay, but he was upstaged early by John Koronka, who carried a perfecto through 4.1 innings. The Jays finally got to him in the sixth on a Russ Adams solo homer and a Frank Catalanotto RBI single. Hinske added another homer in the 8th to make it a 3-0 ballgame. When two Rangers reached base with two out in the eighth, Doc was lifted in favor of B.J. Ryan, who had surrendered only two runs in 42.2 innings, with 54 strikeouts. Ryan induced a groundball from Young to escape.

In the ninth, Teixeira led off with a single to left, just out of Cat’s reach. Afer a Blalock strikeout, Mark DeRosa hit a grounder through the left side for a single, Ian Kinsler dinked an RBI single to center, and Kevin Mench pinch-hit for Brad Wilkerson. Ryan uncorked a wild pitch, moving DeRosa to third and the tying run Kinsler to second. Mench socked a liner right at Adams for out number two. Rod Barajas walked, and ball four was another wild pitch that scored DeRosa and moved Kinsler to third. Fortunately, Gary Matthews popped an 0-2 fastball up to right to end the threat. This was a TSN game.

***

16. Friday, May 4, 2007: Rangers 7, Jays 1

Blue Jays 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 -  1  5 1
Rangers   0 2 3 0 1 0 0 1 x -  7 11 0

The Jays were shut down by "Tall" Brandon McCarthy, who pitched around four walks in his six innings to pick up the win and lower his sparkling ERA to 7.96. Tomo Ohka was bombed early. A Hank Blalock two-run shot in the third put the Jays down 5-1. However, Ohka did gallantly eat 7.1 innings, which helped to rest the bullpen after it had been thoroughly gassed in the previous series, a three-game sweep at Jacobs Field.

15. Saturday, July 17, 2004: Rangers 4, Jays 0

Blue Jays 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 -  0  8 2
Rangers   0 0 0 3 0 0 0 1 x -  4  6 1

Texas' starter, lefty Ricardo Rodriguez, was coming off a complete-game shutout of Cleveland. He followed it up with 6.1 shutout innings here for his third straight win. Jays starter Ted Lilly was pretty good, allowing three runs on four hits over six innings for a quality start (how many of THOSE do you see here?) A three-run homer from Teixeira in the fourth was the difference. In the top of the sixth, down 3-0, the Jays loaded the bases for Reed Johnson with two out. He flied out.

14. Friday, September 10, 2004: Rangers 10, Jays 3

Blue Jays 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 1 1 -  3  8 1
Rangers   2 1 0 6 1 0 0 0 x - 10 17 1

Miguel Batista started and lasted 3.1 innings, allowing eight runs. He threw three wild pitches, two of them for RBIs. Kevin Mench homered twice. Ryan Drese struck out seven. Kerry Ligtenberg pitched a scoreless eighth inning.

13. Friday, April 15, 2005: Rangers 4, Jays 2

Blue Jays 0 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 -  2  6 0
Rangers   1 0 2 0 0 0 0 1 x -  4  7 0

Another Ryan Drese masterpiece, as he outduelled Lilly. Young hit a two-run homer to put Texas up 3-2 in the third, at which point Drese immediately retired thirteen consecutive Blue Jays to carry the 3-2 lead into the eighth. Adams led the eighth off with a single and Hudson added another with two out, but Wells grounded into a fielder's choice to end the threat. Teixeira led off the bottom of the eighth with an insurance homer. Francisco Cordero pitched a perfect ninth.

12. Sunday, April 17, 2005: Rangers 6, Jays 5

Blue Jays 0 0 0 1 0 3 1 0 0 -  5 10 0
Rangers   4 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 x -  6 12 1

One of the few times 2005 Josh Towers got bombed. He was bombed good: a two-run homer from Blalock and a two-run triple from Dellucci in the first, and a two-run homer from Young in the second, sent Pete Walker scurrying into action for the bottom of the third. Walker delivered three shutout innings, and Chulk, Schoeneweis and Speier combined to hold the Rangers at 6 runs the rest of the way. The Jays dinked "Tall" Chris Young around with bloop singles and sac flies and such, finally chasing him in the sixth inning when a bases-loaded infield hit by Reed Johnson cut the lead to 6-3. Frank Menechino followed with a pinch-hit bases-loaded walk off lefty Ron Mahay. 6-4. Then the Jays batted John McDonald for Adams, and he struck out. Corey Koskie doubled in Hillenbrand with two out in the seventh (off Mahay no less), cutting the lead to 6-5, but Doug Brocail stranded Koskie. In the eighth, Zaun doubled with one out, but McDonald lined into a double play. Cordero pitched a 1-2-3 ninth.

11. Wednesday, July 5, 2006: Rangers 9, Jays 3

Blue Jays 0 0 1 0 2 0 0 0 0 -  3  8 0
Rangers   0 3 2 0 0 1 1 2 x -  9 14 1

Casey Janssen took the hill in the rubber match of the 2006 series, opposing Vicente Padilla. This was an awful matchup for the Jays on paper, and paper was right. Consecutive homers from Blalock and Ian Kinsler put the Jays in a 3-0 hole in the second inning. Janssen was lifted in the fourth in favor of Brian Tallet. A two-run shot from Cat brought the Jays within two in the fifth, but that was as close as they would get. Texas scratched out four more runs off Tallet, Scott Schoeneweis and Justin Speier to make the game generally boring. Padilla whiffed 10 Jays in 6.2 strong innings to pick up the win.

10. Saturday, September 11, 2004: Rangers 10, Jays 7

Blue Jays 1 0 3 0 0 0 0 3 0 -  7 12 1
Rangers   3 0 0 0 0 2 2 3 x - 10 12 0

Ryan Glynn faced Rogers. Glynn left with a 4-3 lead after five innings. Kevin Frederick and Sean Douglass were summoned to defend Glynn's win. They each pitched an inning of relief. Both gave up two-spots. The Jays rallied to tie the game at 7 in the seventh behind homers from Eric Hinske and Chris Gomez, and bullpen ace Jason Frasor came on to hold the fort. He retired Blalock and Young to lead off the inning. Then Teixeira walked, Mench singled, Dellucci singled, Brian Jordan singled, Laynce Nix observed a balk, and it was 10-7. Cordero pitched a 1-2-3 ninth.

9. Sunday, May 6, 2007: Rangers 3, Jays 2

Blue Jays 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 -  2  5 0
Rangers   0 0 0 0 1 1 0 1 x -  3  7 1

A.J. Burnett's lack of intangibles figured prominently in this game of homers. Troy Glaus went deep off starter Kameron Loe in the second. Lofton took Burnett yard in the fifth, and Teixeira followed suit in the sixth. The Jays tied it in the eighth on an Adam Lind RBI single, but Young hit a solo shot in the bottom half to pin the loss right back on Burnett. The Jays had Thomas, Glaus and Overbay due in the ninth, but Akinori Otsuka retired them in order.

8. Sunday, September 12, 2004: Rangers 7, Jays 6

Blue Jays 0 5 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 -  6 12 1
Rangers   3 0 0 0 0 1 1 2 x -  7  8 0

Dave Bush gave up a three-run shot to Teixeira in the first, but stunningly, the SFH Jays got him right back off the hook by battering Chan Ho Park in the next frame. A Carlos Delgado homer, Gregg Zaun single, Eric Crozier double, Adams double, Johnson single and Hudson double put the Jays on top 5-3. Delgado added an RBI double in the fifth. Sadly, Bush allowed single runs in he sixth and seventh to bring Texas within one. In the bottom of the eighth, Justin Speier was summoned to face Young, Teixeira and Mench with a 6-5 lead. Young doubled. Teixeira homered. Cordero struck out the side in the ninth.

7. Monday, July 3, 2006: Rangers 6, Jays 1

Blue Jays 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 -  1  7 0
Rangers   0 1 0 0 0 1 3 1 x -  6 10 0

In the opener of the 2006 series, Ted Lilly and the 46-35 Jays waltzed into Texas to beat up on some lefties, starting with John Rheinecker. The Rangers took an early 1-0 lead on a Jason Botts sac fly. Naturally, this being Texas, Rheinecker took a no-hitter into the fourth, when the Jays stranded a leadoff double from Wells. In the sixth, the Jays loaded the bases with three straight singles and nobody out, but they only managed one run, as Glaus popped up, Hillenbrand delivered the big blow with an RBI groundout, and Molina grounded out. Teixeira got the run right back with a solo shot in the bottom. That was Lilly's last inning. Pete Walker came in to protect the 2-1 deficit in the seventh. He gave up three hits and three walks in 0.2 innings of work to blow the game open.

6. Friday, July 16, 2004: Rangers 11, Jays 2

Blue Jays 0 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 0 -  2  9 0
Rangers   0 1 5 0 0 3 0 2 x - 11 15 2

Halladay started. Unfortunately, this was right in the middle of his tired arm period. He gave up a Teixeira homer in the second. The Jays got him off the hook with three singles in the third, but Texas roared back with three singles, three walks, two groundouts and five runs in the third, and like the '04 Jays were gonna do anything about that. Laynce Nix was 4-4 with a homer. Drese went seven innings for the win. After this start, Doc was shut down for two months.

5. Saturday, May 5, 2007: Rangers 11, Jays 4

Blue Jays 1 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 2 -  4  8 0
Rangers   0 0 6 0 0 3 0 2 x - 11 15 1

Halladay started. Frank Thomas doubled in Adam Lind to put the Jays up 1-0 early, and Doc retired the first seven batters he saw on three Ks and four groundouts. Then, avalanche. Gerald Laird singled, Matt Kata singled, Kenny Lofton singled, Young doubled, Teixeira singled, Sammy Sosa grounded out, Blalock singled, Victor Diaz singled, and Brad Wilkerson hit a ground-rule double. Rangers 6, Blue Jays 1. Doc would preserve the five-run deficit until the sixth, when a Young RBI single made it 7-1 and unleashed Josh Towers, who let both of his inherited runners score. Doc's line: 5.1 innings, 12 hits, 9 runs, 2 walks, 3 strikeouts. Vicente Padilla went seven innings for the win. In Doc's next start, he would be thrashed by Boston. He was DL'd for three weeks.

4. Sunday, July 18, 2004: Rangers 7, Jays 5

Blue Jays 0 2 0 1 1 0 1 0 0 -  5 13 1
Rangers   0 0 0 0 0 0 1 6 x -  7  5 1

Batista and Rogers. The Jays chipped away at Rogers, piling up 12 hits over his 6.2 innings and sending him to the showers in a 5-0 hole.

Unlike the Gambler, Batista was dealing. He took a one-hit shutout into the seventh. A Brad Fullmer solo shot scratched that. Then, a Matthews walk, a Barajas double, Nix reaching on an error, and a Young double scratched Batista. The score was now 5-3 with runners on second and third and none out. Vinnie Chulk came in. He induced flyouts out of Blalock and Alfonso Soriano, but he walked Fullmer. Bad idea. Teixeira delivered a grand slam to put the Rangers up 7-5. Cordero pitched a 1-2-3 ninth.

3. Saturday, July 9, 2005: Rangers 12, Jays 10

Blue Jays 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 7 - 10 15 0
Rangers   0 0 7 2 0 3 0 0 x - 12 15 1

In the wake of... something a bit lower on this list, Scott Downs took the hill to stop the bleeding. His opponent was Rogers, 9-4 with an ERA in the low 2s. The bats roughed up Rogers early, as Vernon Wells singled in Rios, and Hillenbrand followed with a two-run shot to put the Jays up 3-0. Downs cruised through eight batters, pitching a perfecto with two out in the bottom of the third. Then... carnage. With two out and nobody on... DeRosa singled on a grounder up the middle. Matthews homered. (Theme from The Natural!) Young narrowly missed a homer, doubling to right. Teixeira singled Young in. Blalock walked. That was the end of Downs. Enter Justin Miller. Soriano greeted him with a three-run shot. (Theme from The Natural!) Mench followed up with a solo shot. (Theme from The Natural!) Hidalgo added an infield hit before Barajas, the 11th batter of the inning, popped up to end the seven-run barrage. In the fourth, Teixeira hit a two-run shot. (Theme from The Natural!) In the sixth, Brandon League entered the game. He immediately gave up a double and a walk. Two outs later, Teixeira hit a three-run shot. (Theme from The Natural!) Meanwhile, Rogers shut the Jays down through seven innings. Loe pitched a scoreless eighth.

Juan Dominguez was given the honor of protecting the 12-3 lead in the ninth. Hill singled, Menechino was beaned, and Cat hit a three-run homer. 12-6. McDonald singled, Ken Huckaby singled, and Dominguez' night was over after 10 pitches and 5 batters. Brocail entered. Johnson singled. Bases loaded. Rios singled in a run. 12-7. This forced Cordero to get his hands dirty. Wells singled. 12-9. Bases loaded. None out.

Hinske struck out, Hill hit a sac fly, 12-10, and Menechino struck out.

2. Sunday, July 10, 2005: Rangers 9, Jays 8

Blue Jays 0 0 0 1 3 0 0 1 3 -  8 13 1
Rangers   0 2 1 0 2 0 0 4 x -  9 12 2

After losing the first two games of the series, the Jays sent Josh Towers to the mound to salvage the finale. Texas slapped Towers around in the early going and took a 3-0 lead. In the fourth, Hillenbrand singled and stole second, possibly turning the tide, at least temporarily. Zaun singled him in, and one inning later Vernon Wells put the Jays ahead 4-3 with a three-run double. Towers gave that right back when Blalock hit a two-run bases-loaded single to give the Rangers a 5-4 lead in the bottom of the fifth. But he did strand the remaining baserunners.

Laynce Nix led off the sixth with a double, but Towers stranded him. Scott Schoeneweis pitched the seventh, wherein Mark Teixeira reached on an E6 and stole second. He was stranded. In the eighth, Ricardo Rodriguez, into his fourth inning of work, surrendered a leadoff single to Zaun and a double to Hinske, moving Zaun to third. This prompted the Rangers to bring in sinkerballer “Tall” Kameron Loe to keep the ball in the infield. Rios hit an RBI groundout, tying the game, and advancing Hinske to third with one out for John McDonald. McDonald batted for himself and hit a high chopper up the middle, but Loe jumped out of the stadium and snared it to throw McDonald out at first. Loe induced a groundout from Adams to end the threat and strand Hinske.

With the score tied 5-5 in the bottom of the eighth, Schoeneweis stayed in to face Nix. Nix flied out. In came Jason Frasor to face Sandy Alomar and Mark DeRosa. Alomar walked. DeRosa homered. (Theme from The Natural!) 7-5. Dellucci singled. Young grounded out. In came Justin Speier to face Teixeira. Teixeira homered. (Theme from The Natural!) 9-5.

In came Cordero to close out the sweep. Cat flied out, one out. Wells singled. Hillenbrand was beaned. Hill doubled, scoring both of them. 9-7. Zaun walked. Hinske doubled, scoring Hill and moving Zaun's tying run to third with one out.

Rios lined an 0-1 fastball just foul down the right side and then got punched out on a checked swing. Johnson batted for McDonald, got a 3-1 count, and grounded out to end the ballgame.

1. Friday, July 8, 2005: Rangers 7, Jays 6

Blue Jays 0 6 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 -  6  6 3
Rangers   1 1 1 2 0 0 0 0 2 -  7 14 0

The Jays were 44-41, 4.5 games back of Boston, and 3 back of wild card Minnesota. Texas was in the same boat, 43-40. Fortunately, the Jays had their ace on the hill, the utterly dominant 2005 edition of Roy Halladay. Doc had pitched a complete game in his last trip to Arlington, and he brought a 2.33 ERA to the ballpark. Starting for the Rangers was the immortal John "Wayback" Wasdin. Wasdin lasted all of 1.2 innings as the Jays pounded out five hits and three walks in the second inning to take a commanding 6-1 lead.

The Jays would not get another hit until the top of the ninth.

In the second, Laynce Nix reached on an error by Frank Menechino. Singles from Matthews and Young cut the lead to 6-2.

In the third, Blalock led off with a solo homer. 6-3. Soriano grounded out. Then, Mench cracked a line drive off Halladay’s left leg, fracturing Doc’s tibia. Halladay gamely fielded the ball anyway and threw Mench out, but he would not pitch again in 2005. His career year ended prematurely. In Texas. He had a 2.41 ERA and 7.5 innings per start.

In the fourth, Barajas led off with a single. Frasor retired Matthews and Dellucci. With two out, Young tripled up the alley in right center, barely beating the throw to third base. Then Blalock lined an 0-2 single through the shift to score Young. 6-5.

The middle relief corps courageously worked overtime to hold the one-run lead until the bottom of the ninth.

In the ninth, Batista came in to nail down the save. Blalock led off with a routine grounder to third. Hillenbrand airmailed the throw, putting Blalock on second. Soriano singled up the middle, under the glove of a diving Russ Adams. Blalock scored. 6-6. Mench flied out to right. With Nix batting, Soriano stole second, and Zaun's throw went into centerfield. Soriano claimed third. Nix was walked intentionally to set up a double play with Barajas on deck. Barajas hit a grounder to short. The throw came home, and Soriano was safe. Rangers 7, Blue Jays 6.

***

True story. This all happened.

Since 2004, the Jays have played 19 games in Arlington. They are 3-16. They win 15.8% of the time there, so we can clearly expect exactly 0.47 wins this weekend, which rounds down to 0. That's unfortunate. (For the optimists in the crowd, Pythagoras looks at the 126-78 run differential and sees the Rangers only going 2.2-0.8.) I’m sure plenty of teams have started 4-8 and recovered just fine, though. I have great faith in the 2008 Jays' ability to bounce back.

(Is what I said at the time, and I stand by it.)