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Commenting in the Sammy Sosa poll, Bauxite ayjackson explained his "other" vote as follows:

"With a year out of baseball, he was likely able to follow a rigorous program of PEDs - like we've never seen before.  He was probably employed as a guinea pig by the world's PED leaders.  He will have almost "bionic" eyesight and romp to All-star and HOF numbers.  However, these numbers will be taken with a grain of salt by the increasingly skeptical baseball fan and writer and no awards will await him at the end of his comeback."

Which got me to thinking.  It's Friday afternoon, and we are deep in the off-season, so what better time for a Box tradition- the collaborative outrageous story.  Bionic eyesight, guinea pig.  Houston, I think we have a start.  I'll carry on with it.

After a stellar 2007 season, many surprises will await him.  In November, his agent will inform him that the CIA had a plan to have him destroy aging weather satellites with three swings of the bat. The plan will be apparently foiled when France gets wind of the plan and complains that this constitutes an illegal militarization of space.  The SSS (Send Sammy to Space) Coalition will protest France's intervention in internal American affairs, and institute a campaign to rename "french kisses" as "Spanish kisses". Millions of people around the world will participate in the campaign, although some commentators feel that the name had little to do with it.  By the end of the off-season, Sammy had a new nickname, "The Dreamboat" and everything was looking up until...
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Mick Doherty - Friday, January 19 2007 @ 04:30 PM EST (#162228) #

... the phone rang.

Yes, it was the most important phone call Sosa would ever receive. Perhaps the most important phone call in all of human history, at least since "Watson, come here, I need you." For Sammy picked up that phone and the voice on the other end was instantly recognizeable to even Sammy's relatively untrained ear; it took the rejuvenated slugger back more than a decade, to his first go-round with those Texas Rangers. It was The Call That Would Change The World.

"Howdy, Sammy boy," said the caller. "Heh heh heh. Been a long time. You ever do much with those White Sox?"

But the time for small talk was quickly past ....

Dave Rutt - Sunday, January 21 2007 @ 12:14 AM EST (#162275) #
"Listen, Sam, I have to tell you something - ", the caller was in the middle of saying when Sammy interrupted. "Who are you? And what do you want with me?" I know that voice, he thought, but from where? "Why, I'm you, from 1989, in your first go-round with the Texas Rangers!" exclaimed the mystery man. "But that's impossible!" said Sam, "If I called the future in 1989, I would remember it! Well, OK, let's just hear what you have to say..."
BallGuy - Sunday, January 21 2007 @ 09:27 AM EST (#162281) #



"Plastics. The future is all about plastics."

"What do you mean? Like that dumb sixties movie with Dustin Hoffman?"

"No no no. Why would I reference an over-quoted, over-rated movie like that? Frankie Plastics. He will be drafted first overall by the Rangers in 2009. He will come out of nowhere and set the league on fire at just 19 years of age."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"Nothing, just filling you in on the future."

"But you're from the past. I thought you would give me advice."

"Oh, right. Advice. Um. Lessee. Walk more. Stay away from Canseco. Buy Apple stocks."

"I love apricots."

"No, Apple stocks. Stocks in Apple comp....oh, never mind."


Sammy stared at the phone where he only heard a dial tone. He headed for and opened the door.......



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