Batter's Box Interactive Magazine Batter's Box Interactive Magazine Batter's Box Interactive Magazine
Spring Training has started down in Florida and Arizona, and now seems like a good time to introduce you to those who will be making their debut in 2005.

No, I don't mean Aaron Hill. Or Andy Marte.

Instead, it's time to meet your 2005 Batter's Box Rookies, the latest additions to the Batter's Box Roster. Scouting reports follow, straight from MLB's Online Interactive Magazine Central Scouting Bureau:

Dan McIlroy      RHP   R/R   5'7"   185   02/17/1959    Drafted 47th Round, 1406th Overall.
KNOWN TO TEAMMATES AS MAGPIE. STATS INC SCORER. BODY LIKE DAVID ECKSTEIN. FUN TO BE AROUND, DESPITE FLAUNTING OF MEDIA CREDENTIALS. OLDEST ROOKIE SINCE DENNIS QUAID. OBSESSED WITH 1912 WORLD SERIES. WAS PROBABLY THERE.

Rob Pettapiece   2B    B/R   5'9"   180   03/08/1987    Drafted 47th Round, 1407th Overall.
HIGH SCHOOL SLEEPER. BEST 2B SINCE GEORGE BATTEN. OCCASIONAL INSIGHT, OVERMATCHED IN STATISTICAL ANALYSIS. ABILITIES PLAY BETTER IN MINOR LEAGUE REPORTING. TOOLSY, COULD DEVELOP INTO JOHN SICKELS OR ROB NEYER BUT W/O THE BASEBALL KNOWLEDGE.

As punishment, the rooks are forced to wear Mike Moffatt's alternate uniform across the border on the first road trip. The Association of Interactive Magazine Writing has predicted 2005 will be a breakout year for Rob and Magpie.
Box PR guy Mick Doherty, speaking on condition of anonymity, said, "This is the part where the PR guy says something about how we're thrilled to have two rookies with such potential join the squad. Fred Lynn and Jim Rice, yadda yadda. Well, welcome to the Roster, rooks, but you damn well better not turn out to be Dwight Smith and Jerome Walton instead of Rice and Lynn."

This story was not subject to the approval of Major League Baseball or its Interactive Magazines. In accordance with Section 12 of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, the posting status of either rookie could be revoked without notice.
The 2005 Rookies: Roster Gets Older, Younger | 13 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.
Craig B - Sunday, February 20 2005 @ 10:35 PM EST (#103226) #
You done us proud, Rob. Welcome aboard.
Mick Doherty - Sunday, February 20 2005 @ 11:32 PM EST (#103229) #
Oh, er, um -- you too, Magpie.
Magpie - Sunday, February 20 2005 @ 11:46 PM EST (#103233) #
No... no... I haven't done nothing.

Nothing.

Oh well. Once I get started, you'll probably be wondering how on earth you'll be ever be able to turn it off...
Jobu - Monday, February 21 2005 @ 12:17 AM EST (#103236) #
This Magpie kid is a regular 5 tooler, plus he's good with the press.... that's like... SIX tools! This kid's gonna go far I tells ya.

As for the other one, hope he's got a nice coffee mug.
King Ryan - Monday, February 21 2005 @ 12:30 AM EST (#103238) #
OBSESSED WITH 1912 WORLD SERIES. WAS PROBABLY THERE.
Ahaha. That's cool, guys.
Magpie - Monday, February 21 2005 @ 01:18 AM EST (#103239) #
Jobu, is that you modelling Mike Moffatt's alternate uniform?

Just asking...

Oh, yeah... he's making the Public Address guy call him "Pepper Moffatt."

But he'll always be Prof Mo Phatt to us...
Jobu - Monday, February 21 2005 @ 01:31 AM EST (#103240) #
I WISH I was cool enough to pull of that uni Magpie... I really really do...I'll just go sulk in the corner now with Kris Kross.
Named For Hank - Monday, February 21 2005 @ 11:15 AM EST (#103249) #
Welcome to the team, gents.

I keep hearing about how long Magpie's article on the 1912 World Series is getting. I just hope it's not like the novel in Wonder Boys, filled with the "genealogy of everyone's horses".

Nahh, it'll be great.
Mike Green - Monday, February 21 2005 @ 11:24 AM EST (#103251) #
This guy Pettapiece is young, but he's got quite a mouth on 'im. If he doesn't make it turning the 6-4-3, he's got a future in radio!

Welcome, guys.
Mike D - Monday, February 21 2005 @ 12:32 PM EST (#103253) #
Oh, and FYI, hazing will occur during our first West Coast swing.

Welcome aboard!
Mylegacy - Monday, February 21 2005 @ 12:51 PM EST (#103256) #
The word on the street is both these guys are big users of 'Roids. Leastwise that's what Canseco says. And the big guy don't lie!

Welcome to respect, Da Box style.
Pepper Moffatt - Monday, February 21 2005 @ 01:07 PM EST (#103257) #
The word on the street is both these guys are big users of 'Roids.

You misheard. They're big users of Altoids, not steroids. Magpie was stinking up the clubhouse with his garlic-fried liver & onions. So we got him a case of breathmints for his birthday. In reality it was more a present for us than for him.

Welcome to the team, rookies. Don't touch my stuff!

Gitz - Monday, February 21 2005 @ 01:44 PM EST (#103263) #
Welcome aboard, kids. Stay off the West side!
The 2005 Rookies: Roster Gets Older, Younger | 13 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.