Here's an idea I've been kicking around for a while. I had a slow afternoon at work, so I wrote it up. Think of it as either (a) a morality play directed at Toronto's baseball writers, or (b) a desecration of one of Charles Dickens' finest works. Either way, enjoy.

In honour of the Jays' recent offensive surge, we're happy to announce our latest Batter's Box pinch-hitter: regular BB contributor Pistol, who's done a bang-up job surveying the likeliest top picks in next month's draft and forecasting who'll be available when Toronto's turn comes around. For an excellent summary of who's probably going where, read on:

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The Blue Jays pick 13th in the first round of the 2003 First-Year Player Draft, which begins June 3. Admittedly, I know nothing about these players other than the very little I’ve read online and their statistics. I have no idea how they look in jeans.

The players are listed in order of my own personal preference, heavily influenced by the Jays’ philosophy of plate discipline and favoring college players. I ignore high school (HS) and Junior College (JC) players because one, the Jays are likely to only select college players, and two, HS and JC stats are really hard to find online.

On a muddy diamond at Stan Wadlow Park, in the rain, the East York Goliaths defeated the Ursula Franklin Academy Flames 8-2 this afternoon to advance to the league semifinals and secure a spot in the provincial qualifying tournament. Unfortunately, we hit some "atom" balls and made several throwing errors, squandering a fine start (and a massive two-run homer) by captain Jesse Shreve.

It was a tough season for our little school, up against the city powerhouses, though I'm very proud of our fine showing in the 4-1 loss to Leaside. I'm pretty sure we'll be back in Tier II next spring, as it will be a rebuilding year with a very young team. I want to thank all the graduating seniors -- gentlemen, it has been a pleasure to coach you.

The Jays' waiver-claim lefty has a tough assignment tonight, trying to continue the club's winning streak and facing off against Hose ace Bartolo Colon. Davis had two strong outings against the World Champion Anaheim Angels (no matter how many times you say that, it still sounds odd), but got hammered by Tampa in his last appearance. Carlos Tosca thinks Davis pitched better than the result; we'll see tonight. The White Sox have some fearsome right-handed bats. Mike Bordick will again start for Chris Woodward (shoulder).

Hey, Toronto's above .500 and 13-4 in May! Life is currently good.

A very quick update today, catching you up on significant developments from last night's games:

I spent some time today staring at the Blue Jays' statistics so far this year. (Since it's a rainy workday, and I needed to cheer myself up, I spent more time on the hitting stats than the pitching ones.) Here's a few interesting numbers for you:

I promised I wouldn't pimp my A's "column" much, and so far I've stuck to it. To that end, Tuesday's update is not my best effort by any measure, noteworthy only in that I continue to pitch Batter's Box and Aaron's blog. The blogging community is fairly new, and I don't know what people expect when they launch their own blog. Whatever the case, it's worth promoting the ones that are good; BB is a good one, and so is Aaron's.

On top of the standings by eight games, after a 10-2 chest-thumping of Red Mosquitos. To maintain hope, the rest of us should compare Snellville's Gashouse Gorillas to the New York Yankees -- you know, the former 18-3 "greatest team ever" that has since come back to the AL pack at a 9-13 clip. For now, the Jones boys are cruising along at 34 games over .500 and a .702 win percentage, and they play the 19th-place team this week.

Billie's Bashers, in second place after a 10-1 victory over the slumping Garces_not_on_roids, could play the Red Sox role. Springfield Isotopes and Baird Brain, currently third and fourth, can be Oakland or Seattle. My Toronto Walrus team, back to fifth after getting clobbered 9-3 by the Chatsworth Halos last week, is starting to look a little like the K.C. Royals.

Hard to imagine big Dan Wright being at his best tonight, with just two starts under his belt since returning from a "sore elbow" and facing the best hitting team in the major leagues. Last September, presumably healthier and fitter, he lost his only previous start against the Jays. Cory Lidle looks for his sixth W in a row, and has had much more success against the White Sox, going 2-0 with a 1.67 ERA the last three years. Only Magglio Ordonez, with seven singles in 10 AB, has done much against the Jays' righty. One team's on a tremendous roll, the other just got swept by their main divisional rival. On paper, it's a bit of a mismatch, which always makes me nervous.

Sore wrist and all, Eric Hinske's back at 3B, but Mike Bordick gives Woody a night off at SS. Unfortunately, it's the only TV game of the series, and Sportsnet has really dropped the ball by not including Thursday's opener in New York on their schedule.

Chicago's a team in trouble, no doubt about it. Other than our cutter-enhanced old friend, Esteban Loaiza, the White Sox have been getting pretty spotty starting pitching, especially from Mark Buehrle. The Jays duck Esteban and his improbably league-leading ERA of 1.99 this series.

But their pitching problems pale (or Pale, as in Hose) in comparison to their defensive woes. Dodgy fielding, erratic throws and a ton of wild pitches -- especially with promising but green Miguel Olivo behind the plate -- have been costing the White Sox close games, such as on Saturday and Sunday.

And even those difficulties are nothing compared with Chicago's wildly underachieving lineup at the bat. So many Sox are playing so far under their expected level of play that the axe fell on Gary Ward after yesterday's loss in Minnesota. Greg Walker makes his hitting-coach debut tonight at Ex-Comiskey Park.

The message has been sent to Konerko, Thomas, Ordonez et al., and the Jays can't expect a cakewalk this week. A win tonight would set a good tone for the series for our .500 boys, but a breakout game for Chisox hitters might wake up their bats that won't stay slumbering forever. Who would have ever guessed that as of May 19, the White Sox would only be able to count on sending Esteban Loaiza to the All-Star Game in front of their home fans in July?

On to the Advance Scout!

I don't like to get excited over rumors, but Ken Rosenthal's piece speculating about what the Yankees might do to shore up their bullpen is intriguing.

On Slam! Sports' Canadian Baseball page, Bob Elliott and Mike Cormack compiled this thorough review of how Canucks fared last week in U.S. college ball. Those good-hitting pitchers from B.C., Tom Klapp and Adam Loewen, shared player-of-the-week honours. The window for the Orioles to sign Loewen, their 2002 first-round pick, is closing fast.

The Blue Jays can get back to .500 today, but who knows what to expect in Escobar's first start since September 23, 2001? Let's hope Kelvim is a little better this time -- in that disaster, he lasted just an inning and a third against the D-Rays, allowing six hits and issuing four walks for six earned runs.

Given his tendency to throw a lot of pitches per at-bat, I don't expect Escobar, on a limited count, to figure in the decision this afternoon. If he is efficient enough to last five innings, that would be very promising for the rotation experiment. Kelvim will have to be careful with Mike Sweeney, who has lit him up at a .467 clip (7-for-15) with a homer, but the Royals will again be without Carlos Beltran, and light-hitting Mendy Lopez gets the start at 3B in place of Joe Randa. The Jays should have their "A" team on the field, with Hinske returning to action.

Here's an excellent Spencer Fordin piece, where Carlos Tosca discusses Tanyon Sturtze, Frank Catalanotto and Toronto's fourth outfielder:

"I think Reed is probably a little more ready to sit and not play. His readiness is probably better," Tosca said. "If we had an injury to one of our outfielders, then Jayson would be getting the everyday playing time."

Johnson injects maximum energy into everything he does on the field; he'll dive into the stands for a foul ball or lean into a fastball to get on base. Reed gives the Jays a defensive replacement, a pinch-runner and occasional starts vs. lefties -- I'm guessing Cat gets more opportunities to hit seventh against southpaws.

The Jays face another young Royals lefty tonight, but don't expect 18 more runs. Jeremy Affeldt is a little more polished than Chris George, and has a devastating curve ball reminiscent of Barry Zito's. A couple weeks shy of his 24th birthday, Affeldt struck out eight and walked just one in his last start, improving his record to 3-1 with a win over the Twins.

Roy Halladay, winless after his first six 2003 starts, has since reeled off three victories in a row, and his latest was his best yet. Doc's April 25 start against K.C. in the Dome was memorable for hanging curve balls; though he gave up three homers, he left after six with the lead, only to have Escobar blow the save and vulture the win on a Wells walkoff blast.

According to the Yahoo preview, a usually reliable source of pregame lineups, Reed Johnson is in right field, batting second. Hinske sits again, as Delgado is the only lefty batter in Tosca's lineup. Still no sign of Dave Berg. Although last night's laugher was fun for Toronto players and fans, this one should be more interesting.