"Reality must take precedence over public relations, for nature cannot be fooled."
-- Richard P. Feynman
Feynman was a great man, a brilliant physicist and one of the leading thinkers of the 20th century. But, at least as far as this chapter in Baseball's Hall of Names is concerned, when it came to PR, he didn't know jack.
Or, more appropriately, he didn't know Pete -- as in Rose (Sr. or Jr.) or Reiser or Runnels, just a few of the many players in big league history with a name that bore the initials "P.R."
But given my own chosen profession -- make that PRofession -- of corporate communications, maybe by invoking the help of baseball's marketing godhead Bill Veeck, we can formualate a decent roster of players from these PR (take your) "hacks." Maybe not.
Let's find out as we meet ...
Baseball's PR Machine
** indicates Hall of Famer
* indicates All-Star
Player/Manager: Paul Richards (923-901 in 12 years)
Player/Coach: Pete Rose Sr. (412-373 in six years)
Player/Coach: Phil Regan (71-73 with 1995 BAL)
Player/Coach: Pete Runnels (8-8 with 1966 BOS)
Lineup
C Phil Roof (.216, 1961, '64-76)
1B Pete Runnels* ("James" -- .291 in 14 years)
2B Pete Rose* (4,256 hits)
SS Phil Rizzuto** (7 rings, '50 AL MVP, but career OPS+ of 93)
3B Paul Runge (.232, 1981-88 ATL)
LF Paul Radford (.242, 1883-94; also SS, RHRP)
CF Pete Reiser* ("Harold" -- .295 career, 1941 NL batting title)
RF Phil Routcliffe (1-for-4, 1890 Pittsburg Alleghenys)
DH Pete Rose Jr. (2-for-14, 1997 CIN)
Bench
C Paul Richards (.227, 1932-35, '43-46)
IF Pat Rockett (.214, 1976-78)
IF/OF Paul Russell (1-for-10, 1894 St. Louis Browns)
IF/OF/P Phil Reccius (.231, 1882-90)
OF Prentice Redman (3-for-24, 2003 NYM)
OF Percival "Pop" Rising (3-for-29, 1905 Boston Americans)
Rotation
RHSP Pat Ragan (77-104, 1909-1923)
RHSP Pat Rapp (70-91, 1992-2001)
RHSP Pete Redfern (42-48, 1976-82)
RHSP Paul Rigdon (8-10, three teams, 2000-01)
RHSP Preston "Dick" Robertson (3-8, 1913, '18-19)
Bullpen
CL-RH Phil Regan* (96-81, 92 saves)
LHRP Pete Richert* (80-73, 51 saves)
RHRP Pedro Ramos* (117-160, 55 saves)
RHRP Paul Reuschel (16-16, 13 saves, 1975-79)
RHRP Phil Redding (2-1, 1912-13 STL)
PR Newswire ... Apologies to Pudge Rodriguez and to Preacher Roe, whose given first names of Ivan and Elwin, respectively, eliminate the All-Star battery from consideration ... The same is true for what would be a legitimate Hall of Famer at shortstop, Harold "Pee Wee" Reese -- so we'll go with Rizzuto, who at least belongs in the Cooperstown broadcaster's wing, if only for his brilliant appearance in Meatloaf's "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" ... And sorry, Calvin "Pokey" Reese, but if Pee Wee can't make it, you're certainly not invited! ... Oh NO -- if one Harold wasn't enough, did you realize that 1941 NL batting champ Pete Reiser was also named Harold? That would be one less All-Star in our outfield ...
Wait a minute, Pete Runnels was named "James"? Pretty soon, we're not even going to have a lineup! Okay, new rule -- "Pete" is okay as a nickname in this "P.R." world, so Runnels and Reiser are back IN! In fact, Runnels (600+ games at 1B, 2B and 460+ at SS) and Rose (All-Star at 1B, 2B, 3B, OF) can now battle it out for the title of MVP ("Most Versatile Pete") ... Yes, that's Pete Rose Jr. in our starting lineup as the DH -- hey, he, um, "combined" with his father for 4,258 career hits, which is more than most father/son duos can claim ... Okay, we admit it, the father/son starting lineup gimmick is strictly (wait for it) a PR move ...
While Regan, Richert and Ramos are presented here as a fine All-Star "Nasty Boys" type back of the bullpen, the fact is, each made All-Star appearances during seasons in which they were primarily starting pitchers ... Would making tape of pitcher Pat's delivery constitute producing a "Rapp video"?
The final cuts from the squad (hey, PR is a tough sport) were:
OF Pat Rooney (0-for-5, 1981 MON)
C Paul Ratliff (.205, 1963, '70-72)
OF Phil Reardon (1-for-14, 1906 Brooklyn Superbas)
RHRP Phillip "Jake" Robbins (5.40 in 1.2 IP, 2004 CLE)
RHRP Pat Rice (1-1, 1991 SEA)
So, what do you think of the PR team here, Bauxites? Speak clearly into the mike ...
