Batter's Box Interactive Magazine Batter's Box Interactive Magazine Batter's Box Interactive Magazine
Every March, I look forward to the arrival of my favourite spring baseball annuals: Ron Shandler's Baseball Forecaster and the Baseball Prospectus. One of the reasons I prefer these annuals to the other stuff on the market is their nasty, or sometimes strange, sense of humour.

Here's a few of my favourites from this year (BF=Baseball Forecaster, BP=Baseball Prospectus):

Juan Castro (BF): No offensive value... but makes a wonderful decorative doorstop for the holidays!

Darren Lewis (BF): Don't you hate it when the roto news services say things like "Retired. Take him off your draft list?" It's like the instructions on shampoo bottles, "Apply to hair. Rinse." What did they think I was going to do, drink it?

Ramon Martinez (BF): Serviceable end game pick. Won't make or break your team. Won't require damage control. Won't require replacing. Won't make you sleep on the couch if you're out all night with the guys.

John McDonald (BF): Nearly all his trends have been heading south for awhile. If he hurries, he might beat them to Akron before nightfall.

Daryl Clark (BP): Ground balls and Daryl are seeking mutual restraining orders against each other.

Ken Huckaby (BP): All the production of Alberto Castillo at one-third the price!

Esteban Loaiza (BP): The $6 million paid to Loaiza in the final year of his contract would've been better spent on a government study on the health benefits of gerbilling.

Josh Bard (BP): I don't know about you, but I'm going to name my first kid "Josh" and teach him to be a backup catcher like Josh Paul and Josh Bard. Key drills will include smiling and "aw, shucks" interviews, playing baseball like it was meant to be played, calling a good game, being white, and hiring a good agent. I'll be retiring to Phoenix in about twenty years. So long, suckers!
If you don't have anything nice to say, write a baseball preview book! | 15 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.
Coach - Tuesday, March 25 2003 @ 07:50 AM EST (#92380) #

I love the Huckaby comment, but people shouldn't think I dislike the guy. In fact, he made an amazing rise up the Coach charts last year. First time I saw him swing, I crossed him off my list. Even his three-hit night involved end-of-the-bat flares just over the infield, and as Delgado pointed out, two of Huck's three HR have yet to leave the yard. That single-E9-E9 job was the worst scoring decision of the year. But then I watched him fool umpires, stealing four or five inches on the bottom of the strike zone some nights because of his incredibly low crouch and framing skills. Remember his mad dash into the dugout for a foul pop? Tremendous, inspirational. He really is Crash Davis without the power. I'm rooting for him to have a great coaching career and maybe even become a manager.

When you're writing 1,000+ comments, and you don't have to interview them after the next day's game, it's fun to take potshots at a few guys. It's been said here before, mostly in regard to comments, that we are too nice. It may be a Canadian thing; we should resolve to be nastier.
_Harry Heatherin - Tuesday, March 25 2003 @ 08:24 AM EST (#92381) #

Really? You don't know? It's an old urban legend - often attributed to Richard Gere - involving a live gerbil, a carboard tube ... I find I really don't want to finish this.

Try the homepage link above - look up the Gerbil story:
_rodent - Tuesday, March 25 2003 @ 10:17 AM EST (#92382) #
Generally accepted term for "gerbilling" is "feltching".
Dave Till - Tuesday, March 25 2003 @ 10:22 AM EST (#92383) #
I wasn't sure whether that's what "gerbilling" meant, but that would have been my first guess. Urgh.

The Huckaby comment in Baseball Prospectus did go on to say some nice things about him. They mentioned that he's a good defensive catcher and that pitchers like to throw to him.

I don't see a need for us to get any less Canadian around here. There's lots of places people can go for nastier comments. :-)
Craig B - Tuesday, March 25 2003 @ 11:51 AM EST (#92384) #
Rodent, you have two things mixed up there. The word is "felching" and I'm not going to define it, but you can look it up in google. It's not the same as gerbilling, which is an urban legend.
_Matthew Elmslie - Tuesday, March 25 2003 @ 12:15 PM EST (#92385) #
I predict this page is gonna start getting some interesting Google hits.
_Mick - Tuesday, March 25 2003 @ 01:07 PM EST (#92386) #
Not to split hairs, but if there's a disagreement about gerbilling, I'm gonna go with the guy named "rodent."
_rodent - Tuesday, March 25 2003 @ 01:26 PM EST (#92387) #
...wondered how long that setup would hover at the rim...thank you, Mick.

"Feltching" or "felching" -- both spellings occur-- references wildlife only under the second definition.
Gitz - Tuesday, March 25 2003 @ 02:54 PM EST (#92388) #
" ... hover at the rim ... "

I'll let that one slide by ...
Dave Till - Tuesday, March 25 2003 @ 03:41 PM EST (#92389) #
I predict this page is gonna start getting some interesting Google hits.

I started this thread, so I may wind up getting some very strange spam...
_Jordan - Tuesday, March 25 2003 @ 06:33 PM EST (#92390) # return to the original subject.....

BP and the Forecaster are the modern-day heirs of the wonderfully snarky player evaluations first pioneered (to my recollection) by Steve Wulf, Daniel Okrent, and the rest of the trailblazers in the Rotisserie League Baseball Handbook, which I would buy back in the '80s even when I wasn't playing roto. BTW, does anyone know whether the term "fantasy baseball" (which I hate) came about because Wulf et al had the copyright to "Rotisserie Baseball"? I always preferred "roto," especially since I have enough geeky fantasy literature on my bookshelf as it is.

Great, now we've got the words "fantasy" and "gerbilling" in the same thread. This could get ugly.

At any rate, my favourite Rotisserie player evaluation was aimed at Jon Nunnally, one-time Royals prospect: "Do not get thee a Nunnally."
_benum - Wednesday, March 26 2003 @ 04:29 AM EST (#92391) #
"The West Hill winged sensation
Brought me love and realization
On a cold and dreary night in '84.
I saw him reading Mazeroski's Baseball Annual.
He was a baseball animal.
I asked him could I take a look.
He offered me the book,
Ya, he was older, a little weirder,
And to boot, he played the lapsteel,
Yet it sounded like a violin.
Lemme tellya 'bout the band he's in.

The Woods are Full of Cuckoos."


Anyone else remember the Mazeroski Baseball Annual? I remember Ed Sprague being praised as "a gamer" by AL Scouts...

"Me and Stupid at the ball yard,
Throwing rocks to Rolling Stones.
He was Catfish Hunter,
I was Johnny Bench, and he would clench
That ball like the whole of the world."

ME AND STUPID, The Rheostatics
_Mickey Mouth - Wednesday, March 26 2003 @ 02:50 PM EST (#92392) #
I don't know why we're so worried about Google hits. I don't mean to sound like an ass but it's not like we've dug ourselves a real hole. After all, if you prick us, do we not bleed? This just seems to be an orgy of self-referential posts. I'll allow for a pregnant pause here while considering whether to abort this thread altogether. Seriously, I'll just sit here and cock my head in amazement. Wouldn't it really take a sucker to click through a Blue Jays link looking for information about gerbilling? I mean, come on!!!
_Mickey Mouth - Wednesday, March 26 2003 @ 02:53 PM EST (#92393) #
Oh, come on. I just sit here and cock my head in amazement. What a bunch of suckers to click through a Blue Jay link looking for information on gerbilling or felching. I don't mean to sound like an ass, but it's not like we've dug ourselves a real hole here. That would require a genuine orgy of self-referential posts.
_Wow ... - Wednesday, March 26 2003 @ 02:54 PM EST (#92394) #
Two different version of the same post. Google will absolutely screw us now.
If you don't have anything nice to say, write a baseball preview book! | 15 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.