All the way back in October, we asked the Batter’s Box faithful to vote for our Batter’s Box Blue Jays Players Of The Year awards. Dozens of voters responded, each picking one Player of the Year from the Blue Jays, and one Player of the Year from the Blue Jays’ farm system.
Since then, we have had our difficulties. After an initial announcement was leaked to the major networks, a court-ordered recount sealed the ballot boxes and an injunction prevented us from revealing the votes, the identity of the winners, or the purpose of Phil Rogers. At around this time, all our existing records disappeared in a still-unexplained jello accident. Rounds of appeals and new litigation followed, culminating in the release of the voting data back to the Batter’s Box accountants down at the OTB parlor. Unfortunately, under the terms of the agreement, they were only able to tell us the vote breakdown, and not the identity of the candidates - though they did let slip that someone named “Dave” had gotten a vote for Best New Artist. Subsequently, the boxes of votes and tallies were returned to us, but inexplicably only contained a typewritten recipe for peppermint-chocolate-chunk sponge cake and a short series of compromising photographs of Senator Sharon Carstairs. We thought all was lost. I think Jonny German still has the photographs.
But yesterday, a lowly filing clerk in the Alkali Flats Toxic Waste Storage Facility in Truth or Consequences, Utah sent a telex to the Batter’s Box temporary head offices in Flin Flon, informing us that he had stumbled across the original printouts of the voting e-mails, stapled to the back of a OSHA Disposal Protocol Sheet for Dan Evans. A secret recovery squadron of crack Batter’s Box operatives was assembled and accidentally locked in the men’s room, while Coach took the red-eye down to Salt Lake to retrieve the votes.
So now the votes have been counted, and we’ll announce the Batter’s Box Blue Jays Major League Player of the Year later today, and the Batter’s Box Blue Jays Minor League Player of the Year tomorrow.
Since then, we have had our difficulties. After an initial announcement was leaked to the major networks, a court-ordered recount sealed the ballot boxes and an injunction prevented us from revealing the votes, the identity of the winners, or the purpose of Phil Rogers. At around this time, all our existing records disappeared in a still-unexplained jello accident. Rounds of appeals and new litigation followed, culminating in the release of the voting data back to the Batter’s Box accountants down at the OTB parlor. Unfortunately, under the terms of the agreement, they were only able to tell us the vote breakdown, and not the identity of the candidates - though they did let slip that someone named “Dave” had gotten a vote for Best New Artist. Subsequently, the boxes of votes and tallies were returned to us, but inexplicably only contained a typewritten recipe for peppermint-chocolate-chunk sponge cake and a short series of compromising photographs of Senator Sharon Carstairs. We thought all was lost. I think Jonny German still has the photographs.
But yesterday, a lowly filing clerk in the Alkali Flats Toxic Waste Storage Facility in Truth or Consequences, Utah sent a telex to the Batter’s Box temporary head offices in Flin Flon, informing us that he had stumbled across the original printouts of the voting e-mails, stapled to the back of a OSHA Disposal Protocol Sheet for Dan Evans. A secret recovery squadron of crack Batter’s Box operatives was assembled and accidentally locked in the men’s room, while Coach took the red-eye down to Salt Lake to retrieve the votes.
So now the votes have been counted, and we’ll announce the Batter’s Box Blue Jays Major League Player of the Year later today, and the Batter’s Box Blue Jays Minor League Player of the Year tomorrow.
