Batter's Box Interactive Magazine Batter's Box Interactive Magazine Batter's Box Interactive Magazine
Dear Nomar,

You are at a great baseball crossroads right now. No doubt you will spend this winter trying to decide what path to take, and there will be a lot of people trying to influence your decision. I'd like to ask you to consider a path that may not even be on your radar screen right now: Toronto.

You're probably ready to stop reading this letter. You're probably asking yourself "Why do all the crackpots write to me? All Mia gets are wedding proposals!" Let me assure you that I am not wearing a tinfoil hat or Kleenex boxes on my feet. I will admit my bias: I am from Toronto and I am a fan of the Toronto Blue Jays, and have been for a long time.

The Blue Jays have had a terrible year, but brighter things are on the horizon. The team's drafting strategies seem poised to pay off in a big way over the coming seasons, but only the hardcore fans seem to know this. The man on the street has no idea. And unfortunately attendance has been pretty bad, and some of us fear that with Carlos Delgado potentially leaving the team at the end of the season that it will only get worse when the team loses its superstar, its hero, its heart and soul.

Here's the part where I ask you to take on that role.

The benefits to you are many, but I also realize that there will be penalties. In the interest of being upfront about it, I will list the downside first:

  • You'll have to take a pay cut, probably a significant one. This could cut into your high style of living. Luckily, a lot of fans, like me, can help out there. For instance, you're always welcome to come over to my house and watch movies on my gigantic TV. I also have a killer sound system to go with it, if you're into that kind of thing. We could hang out and spin records and watch Apocalypse Now and the non-special edition Star Wars films on LaserDisc. And I'd be happy to treat you to dinner at Burger Shack whenever you felt like it. Mia would be invited too, unless she doesn't eat meat, then I'd pick a different place.

Now that we've pushed the bad stuff out of the way, let me get into the good stuff!

  • Revenge! You'd be back in the AL East, and for the Jays to get anywhere they'd have to vault over the Boston Red Sox. They plan to do it with or without you, but wouldn't it be sweet to be a part of that?

  • We'd pronounce your name properly. "Nomaaa Gaaseeyaapaaaaa" may have a certain amount of charm to it, but wouldn't you like to retake the name your parents gave you? Canadians, aside from Newfoundlanders, speak like television news anchors, which will guarantee that your name gets the pronunciation respect that it deserves.

  • Canada has a long and rich tradition of putting absolutely anything on its coins. Seagulls, boats, polar bears, drawings by children, old British people -- they've all been on our money. Now, this is not for sure, but I know some people and I could make a strong effort to have you replace (temporarily, to create a collector's market) the moose on the quarter. You and the Queen would have to work it out between the two of you who'd be tails, though.

  • Varsity Stadium is being rebuilt as a world class soccer facility, so your new bride will have somewhere to train. And, as the 90,000 fans over two days who showed up at SkyDome to watch some exhibition matches should tell you, we like our soccer up here. Our Canadian women's junior team draws better television ratings than Sunday Night Baseball, though that might be a sore point between you and your wife if you're competitive like that.

  • Football season starts way earlier up here. Seriously, it's almost over!

  • SkyDome has a hotel and two restaurants built into it. Why is this important? Well, you know how Roger Clemens made this deal with the Astros where he wouldn't have to go on every road trip so he could spend more time at home? How about this: you could live in the hotel and only leave home for your at-bats and to take the field in the top of each inning. If you and Mia are planning on having children any time soon, you could be the ultimate stay-at-home dad.

Nomar, please consider all of these things when you make your decision about where to play next year. I'm sure that my fellow Batter's Box readers can also think up reasons you'll like Toronto, and I encourage them to append their suggestions below this letter.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

-Aaron Reynolds, a.k.a. Named For Hank
An Open Letter to Nomar Garciaparra | 48 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.
Gerry - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 03:29 PM EDT (#42238) #
_Cristian - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 03:54 PM EDT (#42239) #
You're kidding right? Why would the Jays have any interest in an oft-injured shortstop headed into the decline phase of his career who will command a ton of money. Oh yeah, and one has been known to pout and sit out games when he feels slighted by management.

By the way, outside of Telelatino, I have yet to here one person pronounce Garciaparra's name correctly. North American news anchors are not known for being able to roll their r's.
Craig B - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 04:00 PM EDT (#42240) #
Boo! Cristian, your name is going down on the No Fun Club list. :)

Ooh! Ooh! Nomar, also, NFH forgot to mention but the cuisine up here amazing. Beaver tails, poutine, maple syrup, Tim Horton's coffee...
_Spicol - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 04:03 PM EDT (#42241) #
Mia Hamm, not eat meat? Come on.
Dave Till - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 04:06 PM EDT (#42242) #
Other benefits of becoming a Blue Jay:

- The Canadian exchange rate. Even with a pay cut, Nomar could probably afford to buy most of, say, Etobicoke with his accumulated savings.

- If he needs to get away from it all, he can always travel to one of our many dormitory suburbs. No one would be able to find him there, since no one can find anybody there.

- Constantly varying weather. Nomar, do you like rain, snow, sunshine, wind, slush, cold, heat, frost, drizzle, and assorted mixed precipitation? Well, you'll find it all here - and that's just in April!

- Lovely lakes, a wonderful telephone system, and many interesting furry animals, including the majestic moose. Oh, sorry - that's Sweden. Never mind.

- Toronto's drivers are almost as bad as Boston's, which will remind him of home.

- Nomar might want to recall what happened the last time a major superstar came here from Boston. He won two major awards in successive years. I'm just sayin'.

- And, most important: we need something that will drag the casual fans back to the ballpark while we wait for Year 5 of J.P.'s Five Year Plan to arrive. Nomar could well be it (at least during the six weeks before he demands a trade to the Yankees or Dodgers like everybody else).
_A - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 04:08 PM EDT (#42243) #
With the sorts of ammenities NFH is offering, I think I might just take up playing shortstop for the Blue Jays.
_David R. - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 04:11 PM EDT (#42245) #
Canadians speak like television news anchors?

I used to think so too, but having spent ten years outside the homeland I have come to realize that a great deal of us sound like extras from "Fargo."

Nice letter, I'd cheer if he ever put on a Jays' uniform.
_Smirnoff - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 04:13 PM EDT (#42246) #
Hmmmmm. :)
Named For Hank - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 04:16 PM EDT (#42247) #
Oh, EXCELLENT point about the loyalty of fans, Jobu -- Nomar, if you were to come to Toronto, twenty years down the line the fans will still be calling the talk radio stations saying that all the team needs to do to succeed is to bring you back.

Can you imagine the feeling of importance that would give you?
Named For Hank - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 04:17 PM EDT (#42248) #
But does that go into a phone, Smirnoff?
_Cristian - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 04:18 PM EDT (#42249) #
Boo! Cristian, your name is going down on the No Fun Club list. :)

I'm sorry but getting Garciaparra isn't on my list of fun things to do. Here's a list of letter writing campaigns in which I'd happily take part:

Carl Lindner - "Adam Dunn is going to be expensive. Trade him to Toronto and we'll give you shiny pitching prospects. After all, it was the lack of pitching that cost you guys the NL Central."

Earl Weaver - "Come back to managing. The Jays want to play Weaverball. We'll even give you your own radio show and try to keep the CRTC off your back."

Roger Clemens - "Your best years were here in Toronto. Come back. We know you just went to Houston to stick it to the Yankees. Coming to pitch in Toronto again would really annoy them. We hear the Astros are paying you below market value. Well, come to Canada where we REALLY know how to pay someone below market value. We'll even get started on your Hall of Fame plaque--Blue Jay cap of course."

...and so on...

Craig, now can I turn in my membership in the no fun club?
_Jobu - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 04:18 PM EDT (#42250) #
Nice coin, but why does he look like the evil leprechaun?
_Magpie - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 04:22 PM EDT (#42251) #
Gosh, NFH, this is so great that I feel like a heel after ranting at some length in the other thread about how I'd much rather have Jose Valentin.

Nomar would bring Mia with him, right?

That would make it cool with me.
Craig B - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 04:24 PM EDT (#42252) #
Cristian's list status is revoked! :)

a great deal of us sound like extras from "Fargo."

No way, eh? Geez, get oota heer.
_Jobu - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 04:25 PM EDT (#42253) #
Everytime an opposing teams hitter gets to 2nd he can walk over, call them a hoser and chug a moosehead.
_Jim - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 04:27 PM EDT (#42254) #
Very Funny NFA.
_Jim - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 04:27 PM EDT (#42255) #
Craig B - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 04:31 PM EDT (#42256) #
Everytime an opposing teams hitter gets to 2nd he can walk over, call them a hoser and chug a moosehead.

Geez, don't put Ligtenberg out there, he'll be falling down drunk by the end of the inning.
_Jobu - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 04:42 PM EDT (#42257) #
Lightenberg will be forced to pitch better as he will in charge of paying for the beer each game. As such he wins the Rolaids Relief of the year award and Cy Young.
_Jobu - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 04:45 PM EDT (#42258) #
Perhaps Nomar would also be interested in knowing that only the posters of BattersBox have a magical link to the late great Honus Wagner.

Wait, on second thought dont mention that, it conflicts with the "im not crazy" part of the letter.
_Ron - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 05:19 PM EDT (#42259) #
Nomar is one guy I don't want to see in a Jays uni. Not worth the dollars he will command.

Now Pedro on the other hand............
_Mike Forbes - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 05:28 PM EDT (#42260) #
Nomar will no doubt come now! Just to hang out at NFH's and watch Star Wars (The good ones..)!
_Jobu - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 05:38 PM EDT (#42261) #
Ewwww.... Pedro in Toronto. Im trying to eat dinner here man.
Craig B - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 05:45 PM EDT (#42262) #
Boo! Ron also enters the No Fun Club annals. :)

As such he wins the Rolaids Relief of the year award and Cy Young

Well, it's a good thing he's getting Rolaids... Nomar's going to need some after all that beer.
_Smiley - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 06:03 PM EDT (#42263) #
Canadians, aside from Newfoundlanders, speak like television news anchors

Never been to Cape Breton, or Nova Scotia for that matter, eh me boy?
_Marco - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 06:11 PM EDT (#42264) #
Hey there,

I haven't posted here before but I just wanted to mention something. I actually just want to give a heads up because my mentally challenged little brother Rupert, who loves baseball, wants to start posting here and once in a while he has gotten a hard time posting on other blogs and BBS's.

Sometimes he sounds funny but he loves the game of baseball and knows a lot more about it than me. I know most of you are well intentioned but once in a while there is a jerk or two who feels the need to make fun of Rupert or play around with him. I don't think this will happen here.

And now I'm going to let Rupert say hello.


_Rupert - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 06:12 PM EDT (#42265) #
Reed Johnson RULES!!!
_Magpie - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 06:15 PM EDT (#42266) #
Hey Rupert, welcome aboard!!

A couple of things you need to know...

We don't call him "Reed Johnson" around here.

We call him "Sparky."

Personally, I'm not sure if Sparky rules, but he certainly rocks, and that's good enough for me.
_Rupert - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 06:24 PM EDT (#42267) #
Thank you. Nomar should come and play firstbase! Because JP doesn't want Delgado.
_Rupert - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 06:32 PM EDT (#42268) #
But I think George will get Nomar. George gets everyone. GRRR!
_Magpie - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 06:38 PM EDT (#42269) #
Maybe, but I think Nomar wants to stay at SS for a few more years. Which means George probably won't get him.

Wouldn't it be awful if Nomar agress to play 2B, so Jeter can stay at SS...

I don't want to even THINK about that.
_Mike Forbes - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 06:40 PM EDT (#42270) #
Nomar would be a very rangy first basemen! :
_Rupert - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 06:44 PM EDT (#42271) #
It could be

1b- Jason if he isnt still sick
2b- Nomar
ss- Derek
3b- Alex

thats pretty good but i think Eric is good too. he doesnt make errors like he used to.
_Magpie - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 06:45 PM EDT (#42272) #
That's exactly what I'm afraid of, Rupert.

But I don't think it will happen.

The thread for tonight's game is now open. That's where I'm going. Got to get to work!
_Rupert - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 06:46 PM EDT (#42273) #
Thank you i have to go now to get ready to watch the game. i have to get my bbq chips and pop and my lineup ready. go REED!
_Magpie - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 06:51 PM EDT (#42274) #
Come on, Rupert! You have to call him "Sparky!!
_Magpie - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 06:51 PM EDT (#42275) #
Hey, you got BBQ chips? And pop?
_Tassle - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 11:28 PM EDT (#42276) #
Man, wouldn't it be cool if JP blew his load and signed Pedro AND Nomar in like a package deal? Pedro's already lived in Canada, so he could teach Nomar about the CN Tower and bilingualism and all that jazz. And they could live together the first year, because Nomar divorced Mia and really needs some love and companionship, and childish horseplay slowly turns into something more meaningful and eventually we end up with the first openly gay sports couple? That would be so cool.

Yeah, that's the gayest thing I've ever written.
_Dan H - Friday, August 13 2004 @ 11:47 PM EDT (#42277) #
We could also point out that the Cheer Club would always lead a charge of "over-rated" whenever Jeter comes to the plate.

Now, I'm not sure what Nomar thinks of Jeter, but surely he's had enough of the comparison between the two of them, and would probably be tempted to join the cheer.

Even if not, getting on Jeter is just plain fun for the whole family.
_Jobu - Saturday, August 14 2004 @ 04:58 PM EDT (#42278) #
Gayest thing ever? Yes.

Funniest possibility in Toronto sports history? Maybe.
_Grand Funk Rail - Sunday, August 15 2004 @ 10:52 PM EDT (#42279) #
Maybe they could get a place with Wendel and Toller.
Paul D - Tuesday, September 06 2005 @ 12:38 PM EDT (#127474) #
Good idea Pistol, let's bring this back.

Nomar for backup infielder/dh in 06!
Mick Doherty - Tuesday, September 06 2005 @ 01:08 PM EDT (#127476) #
387 days between comments on a single thread.

Is that a new Batter's Box record?

Archives rock!
VBF - Friday, December 09 2005 @ 01:46 PM EST (#135812) #
Just like to mention that if Nomar signs here, we can all thank Aaron for him and his letter.

I'm also prepared to take the string of boos that come my way if he doesn't sign here. Yes, I jinxed it.
Barfieldsgun - Friday, December 09 2005 @ 11:19 PM EST (#135910) #
Garciaparra would be a welcomed addition to an offence that needs a shot in the arm. But he's not the 'Messiah'he used to be. Given his recent string of health issues he would appear to be as much of a gamble as Burnett. Both are risky - but worth a roll of the dice.

Considering the limited availability in this years FA pool
and our desperate need for a big stick behind Wells,
Nomar's star shines that much brighter.
Add Mench or Wilkerson/'04 and it could work.
VBF - Tuesday, December 13 2005 @ 12:14 PM EST (#136308) #
Wow, I did jinx it.

King Ryan - Wednesday, July 09 2008 @ 06:14 PM EDT (#188625) #
Thank God this didn't happen.
An Open Letter to Nomar Garciaparra | 48 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.