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There's one reason, and one reason only, to ever check out the New York Post. The Post has headlines, both on the front page and the dedicated-to-sports back page, down to an absolute science.

And that's the basis for our latest contest!

For example, after the Yankees won their first two games against the Mariners before dropping the third:


Similarly, the Yankees' poor play in their May 5 loss to Tampa Bay earned them the headline STINKO DE MAYO, while the game against Oakland in which Jason Giambi was doused with beer was dubbed BREW-HA-HA.

Your challenge, inspired by the Post and by Rob's superb Don't Be Kurt With Me, That's Just The Tip Of The Isenberg headline, is as follows:

Write a NY Post-worthy headline for any one of the following ten historical ballgames.

The Jays win their first-ever regular season game in snowy Exhibition Stadium.

Tippy Martinez picks off three Blue Jays in the same inning.

The Jays hit ten homers, three by Ernie Whitt, en route to defeating the Orioles 18-3 in 1987.

The Jays come back against Dennis Eckersley in the 1992 ALCS.

The Jays come back against Mitch Williams in Game Four of the 1993 World Series to win 15-14.

Dave Winfield kills a seagull at the Ex with a thrown ball.

George Bell charges the mound and karate-kicks Bruce Kison.

Jim Traber breaks up Dave Stieb's no-hitter with two outs in the ninth, in Stieb's first start since having a no-hitter broken up by Julio Franco with two outs in the ninth.

Dock Ellis claims to be under the influence of LSD while pitching a no-hitter.

Randall Simon clubs a sausage racer in Milwaukee.

There are only two rules:

1. The headline can be edgy, but it cannot be profane. It must be lawful for publication.

2. The headline is limited to 30 characters, including spaces. That should be more than enough.

The prize will be a pair of 2005 Cheer Club tickets at a game related to the winning entry. Entries will be judged on originality, wit and relevance to the underlying ballgame. Authors and members alike are eligible. If the winner is not planning on being in the Toronto area this season, I will arrange for a prize of equivalent value to be sent to you.

Good luck!
A Splashy Headline Contest! | 50 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.
Mick Doherty - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 10:18 AM EDT (#117183) #
Looking for inspiration? Check out some of the Bauxite genius in this 9/15/04 Write Your Own Headline Contest.

Now, since this is my favourite thing in the world to do, let me ponder the games above ...

Mick Doherty - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 10:25 AM EDT (#117185) #
The Jays come back against Mitch Williams in Game Four of the 1993 World Series to win 15-14.
MITCH-SLAPPED!

Jim Traber breaks up Dave Stieb's no-hitter with two outs in the ninth, in Stieb's first start since having a no-hitter broken up by Julio Franco with two outs in the ninth.
JIM, RATS!

George Bell charges the mound and karate-kicks Bruce Kison.
BRUCE LEAST: BELL RUNG IN TORONTO

That last one might be too obvious, so I forced the Bruce Lee reference.

CeeBee - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 10:26 AM EDT (#117186) #
Randall Simon clubs a sausage racer in Milwaukee.
"Where's the beef?"
Gerry - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 10:36 AM EDT (#117187) #
Dock Ellis (LSD)

A ONE HIT NO-HITTER
Jordan - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 10:45 AM EDT (#117188) #
The Jays come back against Dennis Eckersley in the 1992 ALCS.

ALO-MARVELLOUS!

Tippy Martinez picks off three Blue Jays in the same inning.

BALK THREE TIMES!

Dave Winfield kills a seagull at the Ex with a thrown ball.

BIRD BRAINED!

Jim Traber breaks up Dave Stieb's no-hitter with two outs in the ninth, in Stieb's first start since having a no-hitter broken up by Julio Franco with two outs in the ninth.

NO-NO NOT AGAIN!

Mike Green - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 11:24 AM EDT (#117191) #

Tippy Martinez picks off three Blue Jays in the same inning.

FOOLED THEM THRICE, MORE OF SHAME.

It's more than 30 characters, but what the hey?

Rob - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 11:25 AM EDT (#117192) #
The Jays win their first-ever regular season game in snowy Exhibition Stadium.

AULT JOINS SNOW HOMERS CLUB

Tippy Martinez picks off three Blue Jays in the same inning.

TIP FOR JAYS: WATCH THE MOUND

The Jays hit ten homers, three by Ernie Whitt, en route to defeating the Orioles 18-3 in 1987.

DIXON, OTHERS, GIVE UP DIX

George Bell charges the mound and karate-kicks Bruce Kison.

THE STUNNER OF GEORGE
THE LIBERTY KID

Jim Traber breaks up Dave Stieb's no-hitter with two outs in the ninth, in Stieb's first start since having a no-hitter broken up by Julio Franco with two outs in the ninth.

FRANCO-TRABEN WAR CONTINUES

Dock Ellis claims to be under the influence of LSD while pitching a no-hitter.

NONE REACH BASE OFF ACIDIC ACE

Randall Simon clubs a sausage racer in Milwaukee.

SIMON BRAT OUT THE WURST

binnister - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 11:57 AM EDT (#117198) #
Dock Ellis claims to be under the influence of LSD while pitching a no-hitter.

NONE REACH BASE OFF ACIDIC ACE

...And we have a winner :)

Seriously, that's pretty clever AND funny.

mathesond - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 12:03 PM EDT (#117199) #
The Jays win their first-ever regular season game in snowy Exhibition Stadium.

NEW AULT-ITUDE

Tippy Martinez picks off three Blue Jays in the same inning.

TIPSY JAYS SEE TREBLE

The Jays hit ten homers, three by Ernie Whitt, en route to defeating the Orioles 18-3 in 1987.

HOMER-RIFFIC

The Jays come back against Dennis Eckersley in the 1992 ALCS.

ECK HEXED; SERIES NEXT?

The Jays come back against Mitch Williams in Game Four of the 1993 World Series to win 15-14.

JAY BATS SING VS WILD THING
(or WILD THING MAKES JAY BATS SING)

Dave Winfield kills a seagull at the Ex with a thrown ball.

WHAT THE FLOCK?

George Bell charges the mound and karate-kicks Bruce Kison.

KISON'S KEISTER KICKED

Jim Traber breaks up Dave Stieb's no-hitter with two outs in the ninth, in Stieb's first start since having a no-hitter broken up by Julio Franco with two outs in the ninth.

DAMN JIM-DY

Dock Ellis claims to be under the influence of LSD while pitching a no-hitter.

'CID VICIOUS

Randall Simon clubs a sausage racer in Milwaukee.

BEAT ON THE BRAT
Fawaz - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 12:10 PM EDT (#117200) #
HOTDOGGING: TEAM FEARS WURST

NOT GOOD WOOD! SAUSAGE SORE

FOR BRUCE THE BELL TOLLS

THEY AULT-TA PLAY INDOORS

ALOMAR: TO ‘ECK WITH THE As
Fawaz - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 12:13 PM EDT (#117201) #
There's your winner. I can't stop snickering at "WHAT THE FLOCK?"
BCMike - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 12:17 PM EDT (#117202) #
"MITCH-SLAPPED!" and "WHAT THE FLOCK" are great.
binsky18 - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 12:34 PM EDT (#117204) #
Dock Ellis claims to be under the influence of LSD while pitching a no-hitter.

DOCK PRESCRIBES HIT FOR A NO-HITTER

The Jays hit ten homers, three by Ernie Whitt, en route to defeating the Orioles 18-3 in 1987

SLUMPING Os AT WHITT'S END

p.s. -- As a New Yorker of 8 years, I can tell you that while many of the entries are really funny, they are WAY too cerebral for your average New York Post reader.
Tanner - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 12:56 PM EDT (#117206) #
Moving out of reality for a second, for the 10-homer game if Rob Faulds had been around then:

WHITT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
VBF - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 01:24 PM EDT (#117207) #
Dave Winfield kills a seagull at the Ex with a thrown ball

DEATH FROM ABOVE

VBF - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 01:26 PM EDT (#117208) #
The Jays come back against Mitch Williams in Game Four of the 1993 World Series to win 15-14.

ME-OTCH

Jdog - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 02:59 PM EDT (#117220) #
Dock Ellis's Game

DOC CLAIMS LSD KILLS!
Mike D - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:03 PM EDT (#117221) #
Bold begone!

By the way, this contest is about to get even more exciting. Per the suggestion of Mick Doherty and with the help of the technological bells and whistles of the new Batter's Box, we'll have a poll, starting Monday and ending Tuesday, where you can vote on the top six entries!

All headline entries are therefore due on Monday, 10:00 am EDT.
kpataky - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:03 PM EDT (#117222) #
Randall Simon clubs a sausage racer in Milwaukee.

How about?

SIMON BEATS MEAT

Jdog - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:04 PM EDT (#117224) #
The Jays come back against Dennis Eckersley in the 1992 ALCS.

JAYS PROVE DENNIS IS NO MENACE!
kpataky - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:04 PM EDT (#117225) #
lets get rid of the bold, shall we?
kpataky - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:05 PM EDT (#117226) #
I wonder if that worked?
3RunHomer - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:06 PM EDT (#117227) #
TRIP-WHITTS TURN 18
kpataky - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:06 PM EDT (#117228) #
someone forgot to close their bold tag

maybe this will work

kpataky - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:06 PM EDT (#117229) #
a ha, it did!

;-)
Jdog - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:06 PM EDT (#117230) #
Randall Simon

SMACKING SAUSAGE IN PUBLIC
3RunHomer - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:08 PM EDT (#117231) #
bold not so bold
Jdog - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:09 PM EDT (#117232) #
Dave Steib

ONE-HIT WONDERMAN
kpataky - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:11 PM EDT (#117233) #
point is if someone forgets an end of bold tag, i.e. </b> it needs to be added in a subsequent post or the rest of the page will be bolded - that's all i did was add a </b> to one of my posts
mathesond - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:12 PM EDT (#117235) #
Another Winfield entry -

GULL-IBLE
VBF - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:12 PM EDT (#117236) #
O man, look what I caused. My apologies.

Tippy Martinez picks off three Blue Jays in the same inning

Tipsy Jays tricked by Tippy

kpataky - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:17 PM EDT (#117237) #
George Bell charges the mound and karate-kicks Bruce Kison.

Taco Kicks Buster's Butt

A play on each man's nickname...hey I tried.

jimmylarsoni - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:19 PM EDT (#117238) #
The Jays hit ten homers, three by Ernie Whitt, en route to defeating the Orioles 18-3 in 1987.

O's pitchers get Whitt-lash

The Jays come back against Mitch Williams in Game Four of the 1993 World Series to win 15-14.

Son-of-a-Mitch

Dave Winfield kills a seagull at the Ex with a thrown ball.

Bye-Bye-Birdie

Randall Simon clubs a sausage racer in Milwaukee.

Simon-ized

kpataky - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:20 PM EDT (#117239) #
.
Jdog - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:22 PM EDT (#117241) #
Winfield kills seagull

D.WI.'s Kills Bird!
mathesond - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:24 PM EDT (#117243) #
A few others (yep, too much free time today)

Martinez - TIPPY TRIPS UP TRIO (IN TENTH?)

Eckersley - MMM'ALOMAR!

BELL RINGS KISON

WILD THING TAMED

IT'S ALL IN THE WHITT
Jdog - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:24 PM EDT (#117244) #
BRUCE STRIKES BELL FROM HELL
Fawaz - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:29 PM EDT (#117246) #
The Killing Winfields
jimmylarsoni - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:36 PM EDT (#117251) #
Tippy Martinez picks off three Blue Jays in the same inning.

Tippy-Canoe and Three Jays Too
Hamboy - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 03:58 PM EDT (#117254) #
Tippy Martinez picks off three Blue Jays in the same inning.
<p>
<b>Three Blind Jays</b> ?

mathesond - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 04:04 PM EDT (#117257) #
I think jimmylarsoni has it.
Wayne H. - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 04:06 PM EDT (#117258) #
BELL LEES BRUCE

Wayne H. - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 04:07 PM EDT (#117260) #
Dock Ellis claims to be under the influence of LSD while pitching a no-hitter.

LSD BE SEEING YOU
sundancet - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 06:06 PM EDT (#117277) #
Here are some headlines...

George Bell charges the mound and karate-kicks Bruce Kison.
Ask Not For Whom the Bell Tolls

Jim Traber breaks up Dave Stieb's no-hitter with two outs in the ninth, in Stieb's first start since having a no-hitter broken up by Julio Franco with two outs in the ninth.
No No Not Again!

Dock Ellis claims to be under the influence of LSD while pitching a no-hitter.
One Hit No Hit

Randall Simon clubs a sausage racer in Milwaukee.
Simon Says "Whack a Weiner"

westcoast dude - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 06:42 PM EDT (#117278) #
Dock Ellis Rx: Acid Rocks
Craig B - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 09:55 PM EDT (#117281) #
Dock Ellis claims to be under the influence of LSD while pitching a no-hitter.

WOW CRAZY MAN HEY WAS THAT A NO-HITTER YEAH REALLY MAN WOW ELECTRIC CHOCOLATEBALL STAR TRAIL

VBF - Friday, May 20 2005 @ 10:58 PM EDT (#117286) #
Tippy Martinez picks off three Blue Jays in the same inning.

Tippy catches Toronto Jay-walking.

Thomas - Saturday, May 21 2005 @ 01:40 AM EDT (#117299) #
Westcoastdude, Da Box has a policy of refraining from discussing politics on the website. We try to abstain completely from delving into political matters here, there are other forums and websites for that very purpose.

The bulk of your comment was okay, but I ended up deleting it in its entirety accidentally. Feel free to repost it all, but the last line.
Mike D - Sunday, May 22 2005 @ 04:54 PM EDT (#117420) #
A reminder that entries are due tomorrow morning at 10:00. We'll put up a poll featuring the finalists tomorrow!
Mick Doherty - Sunday, May 22 2005 @ 05:10 PM EDT (#117422) #
The Jays win their first-ever regular season game in snowy Exhibition Stadium.

Thanks to Ault's two homers, I think you have to go with:
SOX: BEWARE OF DOUG

And for ...

Dave Winfield kills a seagull at the Ex with a thrown ball.

CLASSIC STORY: BALL MEETS GULL

A Splashy Headline Contest! | 50 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.