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Well, today is Father's Day all across North America and the United Kingdom, and as such, we could take a look back at the ode to fathers and sons in the majors posted here last year around this time.

But instead, we'll go with a followup on a more recent Hall of Names entry, the All-Nice Guys team, which was conceived by my own dear ol' dad -- who, as I have written before, is really the one who came up with this whole "Hall of Names" idea waybackwhen during the end of the Bobby Bonds Era, when I was a lad and we'd brainstorm ideas for what became the All-Food team that was the first of what is now more than 80 entries in the Hall of Names legacy.

In fact, and not for the first time, I'm just gonna turn this one over to dad (that's Mike Doherty Sr. here on Da Box) for presentation of -- and this is his team moniker, so don't blame me -- The Bad Names Bears.

Now, I should start with a word about my grandmother on my dad's side, whose family name was "Meehan" (pronounced "mean") ... so I grew up hearing my dad claim he was genetically fifty percent mean (and yes, I've used the "hey, I'm 25 percent mean" line myownself) ... so one would guess this particular team would come real natural-like to the guy.

In fact, there has been one Meehan ol' man to play in the majors, a right-handed pitcher named Bill, who probably doesn't deserve it on talent, but for the name alone earns a spot at the back of this team's bullpen.

And what is this team? Well, you'll see a Crooke, a Leach and a Hooker -- not to mention potentially feel some Petty Fury at a Strange Nutter. As you can tell, spelling doesn't matter too much here, but we will make an effort to use each mean old name only once.

For instnace, dad points out that there have been eight players named Gross and asks, "how could you leave a Turkey Gross off a bad names team??" Well, the shortstop's stats -- he hit .094 in 32 AB for the 1925 Red Sox -- were actually worse than his name, so he loses his spot to former Astro stalwart Greg Gross (Sorry, Gabe -- you're not there yet).

There was also a rather inconsequential RHRP named "Harley Grossman" who tossed exactly one-third of an inning for the 1953 Senators (and gave up two earned runs) -- even if we made him an exception to the one-name-per-word rule, he likely would not make this team. You'll note that we have a Grim and and a Grimes, and though from the same root, these words have very different "mean"ings, and we are toeing the line -- okay, kicking it forward a foot or two -- by having a Grim in the rotation and a Grimm as manager; regardless of the spellings, at least only one is a player.

And what of some of the hard choices we face? For instance, Clyde Kluttz or Mickey Klutts? Clyde played nine years to Mickey's eight, outhit Mickey .268-.241 and will make a fine backup catcher while there are two near-Hall-of-Fame talents in Graig Nettles and Lave Cross all ready to man the hot corner that was Mickey's primary position as well.

Another couple of guys who didn't make the team are outfielders Jack Dooms (who was 0-for-4 in just one game for the 1892 Louisville Colonels) and Al Bumbry, the 1973 AL Rookie of the Year and an All-Star CF, but the name just seemed like too much of a reach.

We won't stretch the spelling issues too far -- Don Aase is pretty obvious, and even Hosea Siner just needs a short "i" rather than a long one in his pronunciation guide, but like Bum-bry, Bobby Doerr (for "dour") doesn't quite make the cut, even if another Hall of Fame infielder sure would have been nice. As usual, no nicknames; only last/family names and searingly appropriate first/given names (there is just one in this case).

Incidentally, nobody actually named "Mean" (or even "Meaney") has yet played major league ball. So there we go ... please meet our:

Bad Names Bears
** indicates Hall of Famer
* indicates All-Star

MGR: Charlie Grimm (1287-1067; four CHC pennants, no titles)

C Fury Gene Tenace* (.241, 201 homers -- Fury was his real first name)
1B Tom Crooke (.214, 1909-10 WSH)
2B Jerry Lumpe* ('64 All-Star hit .268 over 12 seasons)
SS Donie Bush (Alfredo Griffin type hit .250 from 1908-23)
3B Graig Nettles* (390 homers, two Gold Gloves)
LF Greg Gross (.287, 1073 hits over 17 seasons)
CF Darryl Motley (.243, 1981-87 KCR, ATL)
RF Tommy Leach (.269, 2143 hits, 1898-1918)
DH Lave Cross (.292, 2645 hits, 1887-1907)

C Clyde Kluttz (.268 over nine seasons)
2B/IF Hosea Siner (.120 in 10 games for 1909 BSN)
IF/OF Tom Lawless (.207, 1982-90)
OF Red Badgro (.257, 1929-30 SLB)
OF Dizzy Nutter (.212 in 18 games for 1919 BSN)
UTIL Doug Strange (.233 over 9 seasons, did all but P, C)

RHSP Burleigh Grimes** (270-212 career)
RHSP Bob Grim* (20-6 as '54 NYY rookie; 61-41 career)
LHSP Jesse Petty (56-60, 1926-29, 67-78 career)
RHSP Jake Peavy (future All-Star is 35-26 through 2004)
LHSP Johnny Lush (66-85, 1904-10 PHI, STL)

CL-R Don Aase (66-60, 82 saves, 1977-90)
RHRP Buck Hooker (0-1 in 2 games for 1902-03 CIN)
RHRP Paul Musser (0-0 for '12 WSH, 0-2 for '19 BOS)
RHRP Don Grate (1-1 in 7 games for 1945-46 PHI)
LONG-R Bill Meehan (0-1 in one start for '15 PHA)

Okay, now, as we look for suggestions on how to improve this team, I should mention that dad has been teaching cognitive psychology, including collegiate statistics classes, for years; so if any of your suggestions are too wacky and wild, rest assured that he will almost certainly accuse you of ...

(Wait for it.)

... "regression from the 'mean.'"

Here's to "Mean" Old Dad | 3 comments | Create New Account
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Mike Green - Sunday, June 19 2005 @ 11:09 AM EDT (#120015) #
It's Father's Day, not Halloween, but still, I think there ought to be a place for Creepy Crespi on the Bad Names Bears.
Mike Green - Sunday, June 19 2005 @ 08:15 PM EDT (#120026) #

Oh, and a "seedier" version of Johnny Lush would be Ulysses S. Grant 'Lil' Stoner. Wonder how ol Stoner would fare against Robert Lee. Also, does Eddie Stanky qualify?

Mick Doherty - Sunday, June 19 2005 @ 09:11 PM EDT (#120028) #
Oh, Stanky's good (or should that be "bad"?) ... I paused on Andy Stankiewicz but didn't go there because it wasn't really close enough. But I think a grinchlike stink-stank-stunk refrain could get Eddie in.
Here's to "Mean" Old Dad | 3 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.