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Eric Neel over at ESPN.com has this gem today:

Boof Bonser. It doesn't hurt that he has posted a sub-4 ERA and a handful of wins since coming back from Triple-A, but even if he threw grapefruits in batting practice, he'd be worth it. If we had a metric for names -- say, VORN (value over replacement name) -- and that metric took into account how much fun the name is to say (both at home and away), and how the name somehow managed to be worthy of both ridicule and respect at the same time, and how the name used alliteration to good effect -- Boof Bonser would score roughly 82.7 on that metric, putting him head and shoulders above his next nearest competitor, Coco Crisp of the Red Sox at 63.9.

Which leads to this obvious challenge ... What major leaguer, active, retired, whatever ... has had the highest career VORN? (Basically, whose name has been the most fun to say?)

Bonser and Crisp are on the table -- that sounds like a mid-summer's picnic menu -- so who else gets the nod? Nicknames are welcome (like "Boof' obviously) but given names are even better. Alliteration optional (say that three times fast). Bring it on, Bauxites!

 

Reader Challenge: Beat Boof's VORN | 32 comments | Create New Account
The following comments are owned by whomever posted them. This site is not responsible for what they say.
Mick Doherty - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 12:09 PM EDT (#155646) #

In the non-baseball-player/celebrity category, I'd like to nominate former Buffy/Angel starlet Charisma Carpenter (no relation to Chris). She's even got the alliterative thing goin' on.

For ballplayers, it'd be hard to beat Yogi Berra. That is all.

Craig B - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 12:25 PM EDT (#155649) #
Van Lingle Mungo.  Choo-Choo Coleman.  Blue Moon Odom.  Orval Overall.
kinguy - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 12:56 PM EDT (#155656) #
I'm not a baseball player, but I played one in the movies...Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh
Frank Markotich - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 01:07 PM EDT (#155659) #
Drungo LaRue Hazewood
vw_fan17 - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 01:37 PM EDT (#155661) #
I've always thought the name "Rowland Office" was interesting because it's very easily broken down into 4 common words.



dan gordon - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 01:46 PM EDT (#155662) #
Tim Spooneybarger
Craig B - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 02:19 PM EDT (#155663) #

I've always thought the name "Rowland Office" was interesting because it's very easily broken down into 4 common words.

"Fecal of Dr. Wino"?

Shaker Mo - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 02:41 PM EDT (#155666) #

Roland Americo "Buddy" Biancalana.

Now tell me you don't just smile when you say that name....

Kieran - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 03:08 PM EDT (#155667) #
Coco Crisp is a recent one that comes to mind...
JohnL - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 03:09 PM EDT (#155668) #
The manager/owner would have to be Cornelius McGillicuddy (aka Connie Mack), with a career record of 3731-3948, from 1894-1950. Any other HOF'ers on this team?
Mick Doherty - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 03:29 PM EDT (#155669) #

Any other HOF'ers on this team?

Oh, good question. We have Berra mentioned already. I think Cool Papa Bell would be a mortal lock to lead off and play CF. Enos "Country" Slaughter (great combo nickname and last name there) and Charley "Old Hoss" Radbourn would be right there. Ah, but I am veering off into "cool nickname" territory here, which is different than the original intent ...

smcs - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 04:04 PM EDT (#155671) #
I'm sorry gentleman, but this contest begins and ends with Rusty Kuntz


Joanna - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 04:29 PM EDT (#155674) #

I've said it before, but the A's have the best names.  Swisher, Scutaro, Sauerbeck, Saarloos, Ztio, Kotsay, Bocachica (which I think translates to Girl Mouth), Huston Street (it's the name combo that makes him) and the Dark Lord himself, Esteban Loaiza.  But the prize goes to Kiko Calero. 

Old school -

  • Rollie Fingers- Relief pitcher or jazz pianist?
  • Blue Moon Odom
  • Vida Blue (Of course, he was a freakin' A!!!)

Vey old school

  • Satchel Paige.  

Ciao Bello

  • Rocky Colavito
  • Rocco Baldelli
  • our own, Frank "The Cat" Catalanotto

Random and honourable mentions

  • Steve Sax.  "You don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you, Saxxy Boy?"
  • Gustavo Chacin
  • Catfish Hunter
  • Kirby Puckett
  • Tug McGraw
  • Scioscia

Okay, I'll stop.

 

 

Let - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 05:34 PM EDT (#155680) #
John     Bo...cabellaaaaaaa.
Pepper Moffatt - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 05:55 PM EDT (#155683) #
The 70's had some great names, like Biff Pocoroba (1978 NL All-Star, for no apparent reason) and Bob Apodaca.  Plus the immortal Dooley Womack!
Jeremy - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 07:23 PM EDT (#155689) #
Calvin Coolidge Julius Caesar Tuskahoma McLish


Original Ryan - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 07:33 PM EDT (#155690) #
Hard to believe Urban Shocker hasn't been mentioned yet (he gets bonus points since that's his real name).  Boileryard Clarke is another one of my favourites.
CeeBee - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 08:05 PM EDT (#155693) #

Mordecai "3 finger" Brown

Dizzy Dean

Wee Willie Keeler

to name 3 more.

smcs - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 08:45 PM EDT (#155695) #
...Nicknames are welcome (like "Boof' obviously)...

Believe it or not, 'Boof' is his Proper Name.
Mick Doherty - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 09:32 PM EDT (#155700) #
True, it's his proper name now. I'd forgotten, but he actually had it legally changed. I don't recall what his name was originally. Wait, from Wikipedia:

Boof Bonser (born John Paul Bonser) was born on October 14, ... After the 2001 season, he legally changed his name from John Paul to Boof ...

Mike Green - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 09:46 PM EDT (#155701) #
Coco Laboy made me smile about as much as John Boccabella.   Boots Day wasn't bad either.   Marv Throneberry, Vinegar Bend Mizell and Daryl Strawberry from the Mets.

Do expansion teams try to make up for their lack of VORP with VORN?  Laboy, Boccabella and Day from the Expos.  Throneberry, Mizell and Choo-Choo Coleman from the Mets. Downtown Ollie Brown wasn't bad from the Padres. 

Mike Green - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 09:53 PM EDT (#155702) #
Favourite Blue Jay names: Mark Lemongello, Mickey Klutts and Mookie Wilson.  Unfortunately, we've never had a really good first/last combination like Coco Laboy.  Mookie Klutts would have been good.
andrewkw - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 10:21 PM EDT (#155703) #
Justin Speier is a pretty cool combo if you say it as one word.

Catfish Hunter is probably my favorite although he is before my time.  Oil Can Boyd is probably my favorite of players I actually saw play.

Jonny German - Tuesday, September 19 2006 @ 11:27 PM EDT (#155706) #
I've always thought the name "Rowland Office" was interesting because it's very easily broken down into 4 common words.

That's nothing - meet Mr. Body Parts: Tony Armas. The great thing about this one is that it looks and sounds mundane until you stop and think about it.
scooter - Wednesday, September 20 2006 @ 01:22 PM EDT (#155732) #
Fred Kulaulua has some nice cultural juxtaposition and mellifluousness to boot...
scooter - Wednesday, September 20 2006 @ 01:33 PM EDT (#155734) #
Heinie Manush (mann-ush is good, but manoosh is even better) and Firpo Marberry are also classics, pure fun for the tongue.
A - Wednesday, September 20 2006 @ 02:35 PM EDT (#155738) #
John Jaha.
Jeremy - Wednesday, September 20 2006 @ 03:35 PM EDT (#155744) #
The Japanese have fun names to say.  My favourites are Takashi Kashiwada and Shigetoshi Hasegawa.

Seeing Colavito reminds me of a great Bermanism from Bill James:  "Rocky (I'll Call 'A Tony, You) Colavito.

For those who like their humour a little more juvenile, there's 1880s pitcher Dick Burns.

AWeb - Wednesday, September 20 2006 @ 04:23 PM EDT (#155745) #
I always liked The Candy Man, Candy Maldanado. But I agree, Rusty Kuntz definitely wins is my book.
John Northey - Wednesday, September 20 2006 @ 04:41 PM EDT (#155747) #
Good ol' Tony Armas.  Back when I was in high school he was playing against the Jays and me and a gang from McDonald's had seats in the RF benches at good ol' Exhibition Stadium.  We chanted 'To-ny Arm-as' while touching the appropriate body parts until he tipped his hat to us.  A gang of Mc-Employees had a new favorite player after that.
GreenMonster - Friday, September 22 2006 @ 09:30 PM EDT (#155862) #
I would nominate Pie Traynor, Kaiser Wilhelm, Smead Jolley, Jennings Poindexter, Rip Repulski,  Coaker Triplett, and Walt "No Neck" Williams.

I think that Bob Walk, Roy Hitt, "Double Joe" Dwyer, Win Remmerswaal, Homer Summa, Justin Kaye, "Bunt" Frisbee, Jake Striker, and Eric Plunk deserve special mention.

But the player who ought to open a chain of sports bars is the immortal Carmen Fanzone.
Mick Doherty - Friday, September 22 2006 @ 11:16 PM EDT (#155864) #
I think that Bob Walk, Roy Hitt, "Double Joe" Dwyer, Win Remmerswaal, Homer Summa, Justin Kaye, "Bunt" Frisbee, Jake Striker, and Eric Plunk deserve special mention.

GM, we had a Hall of Names team pretty much like that one back in October of '04 ... All-Baseball-Terms.

Didn't get all the names you suggested though. Good ideas.
Reader Challenge: Beat Boof's VORN | 32 comments | Create New Account
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