"The transformation at Third Base"
2004: Young, good-looking, good defense, bad bat
2005: old, bald, great defense, good bat

Come see me the Jays play without worrying about your masculinity!

http://www.metrolyrics.com/lyrics/10850/Monty_Python/Lumberjack_Song
How about a rehash of that classic Monty Python skit ----

I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I work all day.

... you know the rest and if you don't see comm

Jobu posted this in the roundup:

PS. The Timbits in the dugout was a damn funny. I like the idea of a marketing campagin showing Koskie as annoyingly Canadian. Riding a canoe with wheels to the stadium a la Kids in the Hall, trying to start Anne Murray singalongs in the dugout. Good angle Coach.

Here's how to frame it all: a news conference. Koskie at the mic. A reporter shouts out "What's different about playing baseball in your home country?" Koskie looks thoughtful, then answers, "I don't have to hide my true personality anymore."

Then we see a rapid-fire series of really brief scenes, only a second or two long each:

- Koskie paddling a canoe with the CN Tower and SkyDome in the background
- Koskie singing "Snowbird" in the shower
- Koskie ordering a medium double-double and a cruller
- Koskie ice fishing and drinking beer, funnier if it's with some Canadian celebrities
- Koskie talking to a moose like The Horse Whisperer ("Hey, buddy, it's okay...")
- Koskie asking someone in Jays management if he gets a discount on Tragically Hip tickets
- Koskie in a field of wheat with a rapturous expression on his face, touching the wheat with his fingertips

...and so on and so on...

How bout a take on the Rocky IV Apollo Creed scene with Corey Koskie singing Living in Canada wrapped in a Canadian flag? Ok, maybe not...

To repeat another idea of mine from the roundup thread:

Have them rooming together on the road like the odd couple. A series of very cheesy sitcom like shorts that always end with O-Dog looking to the camera and saying "Say WHAT?" with hokey music.

O-Dog: Yo homeslice! Y'all get those shades I need for the game?
Koskie: Yeah! Well I didnt know if you wanted Venitian or regular so I got both, I laid them out on your bed.
O-Dog: Say WHAT?? *muted trumpet sound*

Jobu suggested a series of Koskie and O-Dog shorts.

Maybe back and forth, alternating between Koskie teaching O-Dog something about Canada and O-Dog teaching Koskie something about Toronto or being cool?

How about a commercial to welcome him back to Canada and we see him at the border getting back in with Roooollll Up the rim to win?

The next episode

O-Dog trying to sleep in his bed. Koskie in his bed with head phones on waving his hands in the air and singing ever so slightly louder and louder

Koskie: Calling occupants.... of interplanetary craft..... Calling occupants of interplanetary craft.... CALLING OCCUPANTS-
O-Dog: AGHHH! Y'all better keep it down over there on the hot corner, don't be wakin no sleeping dog Koskie
Koskie: Common Orlando! Don't tell me you've never gotten Klatuu with it before?
O-Dog to camera: Say WHAT!?

*after the buy tickets stuff a quick cut back to the room*

Koksie: Calling occupants of interplanetary
O-Dog Falsetto: MOST EXTRORDINARY
Together: CRAFT

Koskie and Hudson are walking down the street and pass a Mountie. O-Dog asks Koskie why they dress in red uniforms. Koskie tells a completely over-the-top made up story about the origins of the Mountie uniform. O-Dog says, "Really?" The mountie gives Koskie a dirty look.

Let's have Koskie ice fishing, NFH, with the Strange Brew boys ... or someone similarly "forgotten". Dave Thomas and Rick Moranis are probabaly available ;-)

How about a couple of The Beachcombers? A Beachcomber and a Degrassi kid?

Just repeating my post from the other thread:

Corey sitting in the dugout, humming:

So spread your tiny wings and fly away
And take the snow back with you
where it came from on that day

All these heads slowly turn to look at him...

********

This is fun. I haven't laughed this hard since... well, since Brett Hull was on Saturday Night Live. And I think Coach is right that you could do something along the lines of the Baseball North campaign with this.

The alternative would be something like:

"Hey, we know we sucked last year. But NOT THIS TIME, Bud."

All of these ideas thrown around by NFH and Coach and Jobu are genius...

Is there a role for the Trailer Park Boys in all of this?

I'm all about Anne Murray and Timbits...

Is there a role for the Trailer Park Boys in all of this?

I can see Ricky walking down the asiles in a stolen yellow "Snack Man" shirt now...

"Who wants weed or hash? 10 bucks a gram. Common, this is good #*$&*# stuff, wont find any better at this price... 10 bucks a gram....makes the game less boring.... 10 bucks a gram"

As I just confessed in the Roundup, I'm only, uh, rehashing Dave Till's creativity.

Print ads: Koskie, in uniform, photoshopped into cast photos from Canadian television shows of the past -- with Bob and Doug, the cast of the Beachcombers, The Littlest Hobo...

Print ads: Koskie, in uniform, photoshopped into cast photos from Canadian television shows of the past -- with Bob and Doug, the cast of the Beachcombers, The Littlest Hobo...

To create upon that idea:

Great Moments in Canadian History Ads

"Corey Koskie was one of the founding fathers of confederation (bad photoshop)"

"Corey Koskie was the first Canadian in Space, seen here (bad blue screen)"

"Corey Koskie founded the City of Montreal"

The magic of photoshop....

How about an add showing Koskie, in Jays uniform, slamming homer after homer and making diving stops ad infinitum, with shots of famous broadcasters (not Jays broadcasters) singing reworked lyrics to "Blame Canada!" from South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut?

Okay, Jobu's bit with Koskie and O-Dog as roommates is inspiring me.

Koskie is watching TV. O-Dog enters, asks what he's watching. It's some old Canuck TV show. Koskie explains the setup, O-Dog looks nonplussed, says something disparaging about Canadian television.

Ticket promo etc.

O-Dog is watching TV. It's the show Koskie was watching before. O-Dog makes some reference to it, talking to the TV (all I can think of is him crying and saying something about Wheels' parents) and then Koskie enters and O-Dog grabs the remote and switches to something else and tries to look cool while wiping away his tears.

These are too good, someone needs to get ahold of the Jays marketing department and make him read this ... now.

"Corey Koskie founded the City of Montreal"

[Serious Announcer Voiceover]
" ... but ... while Koskie's fellow Minnesota Twin infielder ... Cris Guzman ...departed ... like the Expos ... for Washington DC ... Koskie ... returned home ... to Canada."

Brilliant, Mick. I'm picturing it looking like a Heritage Minute.

These are too good, someone needs to get ahold of the Jays marketing department and make him read this ... now.

Heh. I don't know about Jobu, but I'm available starting almost immediately if anyone would care to hire me. ;)

Im free after December 20th. And they dont even have to pay me, just give me tickets :)

O-Dog is watching TV. It's the show Koskie was watching before. O-Dog makes some reference to it

O-Dog: Mmm-Hmm.... do yo thang Jonovision
Koskie: What was that?
O-Dog: Ohh... nuthin man....

AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

O Canada playing in the background. The team is on the field. Corey Koskie is standing in front of them, leading them in a pledge of allegiance to the Queen, and a promise to uphold the honor of Canada.

The honor AND TRADITIONS of Canada. And then Vernon Wells can complain that he doesn't want to go ice fishing.

Idea for the Koskie/Canadian montage: Koskie riding a moose through a drive through and ordering a medium double-double and a cruller.

Koskie: "Hey guys, let's go fishing!"

Cut to a bunch of Jays huddled, shivering around a hole in the ice. Miguel Batista is muttering in Spanish...

Visualize:

A long corridor at the stadium. Two guys dressed in security uniforms are hurrying down the corridor. One OBVIOUSLY the boss the other OBVIOUSLY the underling.

As the boss is storming down the hall he points his finger in the face of the underling and says; "If JP ever signs another guy from Manitobia I QUIT!"

The underling replies weakly, "It's not my fault, not my fault... I just don't know where to tell him to park it..."

The Boss slams open the an outside door and there is Koskie, dressed like a farmer standing on the bottom step of his HUGE Harvester.

The scene fades out with the announcer saying, "You can take the boy off the Prairies but you can't take the Prairies out of the boy.

The 2005 Blue Jays, WHEAT more could you want?."

Hah! I love the harvester. And Batista muttering in Spanish while ice fishing, that's a riot.

To steal Mylegacy's post and wedge it into the Koskie montage: driving the Harvester into the team parking lot and asking the attendant "Where should I park?"

The harvester idea has legs!!

In the skydome parking lot, Jays in suits heading to the various sports cars and SUV's.

Vernon: Great win today
O-Dog: As always v-dub
*high five, players get into their car and drive off. Camera follows O-Dog getting into a porche, putting on slick music and shades, drives out of the tunnel and into the street, slams on the brakes and slaps the wheel*
O-dog: AW MAN! NOT AGAIN!!
*Koskie on the harvester waiting to traffic to stop on front street to make a turn

Team meeting breaking up, players walking in different directions. Koskie asks O-Dog "You need a lift back to the hotel?" O-Dog accepts. Cut to Koskie happily behind the wheel of the Harvester, O-Dog in the passenger seat looking glum.

Unrelated to Koskie, but I have an image in my head of a little kid asking for Halladay's autograph, thinking that he's Matt Bonner.

Koskie: Yeah but if i could...
Guy: No
Koskie: I wont even..
Guy: No
Koskie: Just a quick spin
Guy: No!
Koskie: But eventually SOMEONE'S gotta-
Guy: Listen, I know the new stuff looks like real grass, but it aint, I cant let you in there with that

Koskie sulks back to his harvester, slaps his knee and leans on the side of it.

http://www.bat-girl.com/archives/000348.html
I want, nay demand that someone give NFH and Jobu a camcorder, a copy of Final Cut Pro, a harvester, and access to Koskie so that these ideas can reach the light of day.

I've had to mop up tea from my keyboard like 3 times.

Or. We could get BatGirl to do one of her classic Lego recreations. COMN if you havent seen one (this one includes Corey, oddly enough)

Lol....

"Matt Bonner"

Nice one.

O-Dog looks nonplussed, says something disparaging about Canadian television.

The first show that popped into my head was Just Like Mom.

O-Dog: What are you watching?
Koskie: Shhh!
O-Dog: Why is that little white kid putting pickles and ketchup in those cookies?

Flash to the mother tasting the cookies...

Koskies (or maybe O-Dog after being sucked in) screaming at the set...#2!! #2!!!

O-Dog getting into a porche, putting on slick music and shades

In a similar manner, maybe a ripoff of Tommy Boy where Spade and Farley are flipping through radio stations until landing on the Carpenters, neither one wanting to concede that they want to listen to the song.
Replace Carpenters with Anne Murray.

I want, nay demand that someone give NFH and Jobu a camcorder, a copy of Final Cut Pro, a harvester, and access to Koskie so that these ideas can reach the light of day.

Other than Koskie and the Harvester, we're pretty set. I was just e-mailing Jobu about some ideas for Cheer Club offseason short films.

Other than Koskie and the Harvester, we're pretty set.

Sweeeeeeeeeeeet.

I'd offer my assistance, but Koskie aint taking my calls, and that Harvester dealership that used to be at Yonge and Eglinton seems to have gone out of business.

Will there be zombies in the short films? Please say there'll be zombies.

Hrm. I'll see what we can do. I don't know any zombies.

Dave Thomas and Rick Moranis are probabaly available

Corey McKoskie coming "home" to reunite with his hoser "brothers"? What a beauty way to go.

Five golden toques
Four pounds of back bacon
Three French toast
Two turtlenecks
And a beer... in a tree

You're all loons. Thanks for making my day.

Hey, if the Tiger-Cats can get Martin Short, the Jays should be able to all of SCTV.

This might be my favorite thread ever...

Coach - I like the sound of Corey McKoskie. If he did that bit, I think I'd buy a McKoskie jersey ;-).

This thread is even more entertaining than the time William Shatner spoke his way through "Rocket Man".

What Canadian natives have played for the Jays in the past 28 years? Can we get them all in a "passing the torch to the next generation" commercial with Koskie?

I was thinking of having ANOLA 47 emblazoned on the back of a Jays jersey, actually. But then I realized that would cost money.

What Canadian natives have played for the Jays in the past 28 years?

Koskie will be #12:

Dave McKay
Paul Hodgson
Rob Ducey
Denis Boucher

Vince Horsman
Rob Butler
Rich Butler
Paul Spoljaric

Paul Quantrill
Steve Sinclair
Simon Pond
Corey Koskie

Koskie will be #12

And what are the odds that if you selected twelve baseball players at random, that four of them would be LH pitchers?

That's no fair, Magpie, you're the one who answers questions like that.

How about Corey in a white suit leaning against a grand piano while (ex-Manitoban) Neil Young and Tommy Chong sing along while Neil tickles the ivories of his big ole Wurlitzer organ. Tommy sparks up a monster fatty and all three sing the old Siumon & Garfunkel song that goes "Gee, it's great to be back home, Home is where I want to be-eee, I bin on the road so long..." They're off key, and Neil takes a huge hit and says, "Hey,man, that's not bad, let's do it again, but we need a soprano." Shania Twain walks on drop dead gorgeous and says, "OK boys, let's take it from the top, one more time." This has crossover written all over it.

If anybody's ever heard O-Dog sing the theme from SpongeBob Squarepants, then maybe we could get an 0-Dog, Koskie duet goin.

more entertaining than the time William Shatner spoke his way through "Rocket Man".

Jobu, as your attorney, I can not more highly recommend that you obtain a copy of 'Has Been', the sooner the better.

I also recommend that you rent a large, fast automobile and drive to Vegas for a couple of days. Naturally, I'll have to accompany you. NFH and my good friend Raoul Duke can hold down the sports desk while we're gone

(Bats! Where'd all these bats come from?!?)

Tight close-up of Corey Koskie's face. He speaks:

"A lot of people have been asking why I chose to come home and play in Canada."

The camera pulls away. Shania Twain on one arm. Pamela Anderson on the other.

Corey smiles.

And what are the odds that if you selected twelve baseball players at random, that four of them would be LH pitchers?

About the same as the chances of having all four aces in a bridge hand. It happens, but not very often. Still, you don't jump out of your chair when you see 'em.

I'll let Moffatt handle the math, but roughly 2-3 out of each 25 man roster is a LHP; I'd round it off at about 10% of ballplayers.

I don't have an actual idea for this but I'll throw out a few names:

Corey Koskie
Mike Myers
Naked Indian

Im trying... but I still dont get the vegas reference.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120669/
but I still dont get the vegas reference.

Man. I screwed up the quote good as well. But COMN anyways.

http://www.ifilm.com/viralvideo?ifilmid=2654003
Ahhh.... now I get it.

Now COMN for your ticket to entertainment.

Now COMN for your ticket to entertainment.

Bah. You just want me to get out of the room long enough for you to go mess up my stuff.

Not gonna happen Jobu. NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

Oooh. Something shiny!

*wanders off to play with slinky*

I'll let Moffatt handle the math

Now, I know he's a smart economics-talking guy, but even a high school punk could solve that. If I knew the total number of players and total number of LH pitchers in the history of baseball, I could tell you in two minutes. I don't have those numbers, but if you took 12 random members of the 2004 Blue Jays (5 LHP, 47 total players), there would be a 2.6% chance of selecting four of the lefties.

As for Koskie...something involving Vic Toews, the MP for the riding Anola is in.

Actually, there is a higher turnover of pitchers than hittres, so about 40% of all players to play in the majors over the last few decades are pitchers. About 30% of pitchers are lefthanded, so that makes it one out of 8.3 major leaguers.

The random chance is that of 12 players, 1.44 will be lefthanded pitchers. So having four isn't exceptional. I don't want to go through all the factorials to determine a precise probability chart, but I think there's at least a 5% chance that 4 or more of the 12 would be lefthanded pitchers.

This thread is even more entertaining than the time William Shatner spoke his way through "Rocket Man"more entertaining than the time William Shatner spoke his way through "Rocket Man".

Well, almost.

Well, depends what you mean by entertainment.

Aw crap!

Nothing is more entertaining than the time William Shatner spoke his way through "Rocket Man".

I think there's at least a 5% chance that 4 or more of the 12 would be lefthanded pitchers.

This place is so great. I can ask a stupid question, and get a useful answer. :-)

Koskie: Yeah but if i could...
Guy: No
Koskie: I wont even..
Guy: No
Koskie: Just a quick spin
Guy: No!
Koskie: But eventually SOMEONE'S gotta-
Guy: Listen, I know the new stuff looks like real grass, but it aint, I cant let you in there with that

Koskie sulks back to his harvester, slaps his knee and leans on the side of it.

Just reading this ad makes me want to see more games

Love most of the ideas above!

Maybe on a little more serious note:

There are thousands of kids playing baseball every summer in the GTA. The Jays need to get them and their parents into the Dome.

My 10-year-old son plays rep ball for Bolton (2003 Ontario Rookie Ball Champions!) and, like most players his age, dreams of playing for the Jays. He knows the disadvantage of living in Canada, where the baseball season is short.

Maybe a TV ad showing a young boy who could be Koskie playing ball in some sort of obviously Canadian Prairie setting, transforming into highlights of Koskie in the Majors - hitting a home run or making a great catch.

Given the youth of our team instead of "You gotta see these guys play", the slogan could be something like "Come see the kids play" or "Kids' dreams can come true".

My son was thrilled when he heard that Koskie had signed and doubly thrilled when he heard that Koskie had wanted to play for the Jays as a kid. He can't wait to go see him. For my son, Koskie has become an instant role model and proof that even a Canadian kid's Major League dreams can come true.

Showing several shots of Koskie making fine defensive plays on the new Dome turf from different angles during fielding practice.

Vernon Wells walks by and notices Koskie getting tired and turns to the source of the steady stream of hard line drives.

Wells: "You've been at this for an hour. Don't you guys have anything better to do?"

Cut to Domi and Sundin as they use their hockey sticks to slapshot baseballs at Koskie. They look at each other feeling slightly guilty.

They look back at Wells and say weakly: "Gotta stay sharp..."

Blue Jays ticket information flashes as Wells walks away shaking his head.

Cut back to Domi and Sundin pouring buckets of hockey pucks onto the turf grinning evily.

Domi: "Better put on a mask Cory..."

Sundin: "Yeah we're warmed up now."

Koskie looking ragged: "Oh man..."

Greg .H., thats a good idea.

Actually my brother used play AAA in Mississauga and as of last year the Jays gave one pair of infield seats to every kid in the Ontario Baseball Association for any 3 games of their choice. (May 15 vs BOS, May 28 vs. TEX and June 12 vs ARZ)

Actually at that Boston game the announced crowd was about 37,000 with about 12,000 parents and kids of the OBA.

Unfortunately, they don't have any promotion for anyone under that level, however my the Erindale Baseball Association, which i used to belong, was able to plan a day at the ballpark (vs. Anaheim) and participated in a charity game with some of the players afterwards.

Maybe now that the Jays own the skydome they can give out all kinds of seats and package to Little Leaguers.

Random Promo Continuation:

Koskie and O-Dog riding together in silence on the team bus. O-Dog looking bored staring out the window, Koskie staring straight forward as if he has something important to say. Breathes in slaps his lap and turns to O-Dog

Koskie: Orlando....how much do you know about Gordon Lightfoot?
O-Dog rolls eyes.

Vernon's Biggest Fan

The Jays do this sort of stuff all over, I think. In Bolton, the rep teams do Winter Ball practice in a local school gym, and at the end the kids get tickets by going on-line and downloading coupons for tickets for selected games (maybe the same ones you mentioned). My son's team goes to a game each year as well.

They also send some guys out each year to do a 1/2 day training clinic for any kids signed up with Bolton Baseball. The kids have a lot of fun and get T-shirts at the end.

What I'd love to see is for the Jays to organize some kind of ticket/bus combination for players and parents throughout the GTA. They might get a good response. Last May my son's school set this up (seats in section 522 and the bus ride for IIRC $7.00 each). From a school with 400 kids from Kindergarten to Grade 5, over 500 parents and kids went.

Some obvious Canadiana that has been overlooked:

Rush
The Littlest Hobo
Wayne & Shuster

The latter even had a baseball sketch -- Shakespearean Baseball. An absolute classic.

I guess these references are rather dated, especially for a team trying to draw a younger audience. I'll leave it to someone else to create a whimsically creative ad with these references.

Hey Greg H and Vernon's Biggest Fan - The Jays have partnered with the OBA this season and have renamed the mosquito rep division, the "Jays Mosquito Division" I think they've realized that Kids are the future and are making a concerted effort to get more kids excited about baseball. Koskie is a good way to start this.

Some bad ideas (hopefully so horribly bad that they are funny) using old Canadian TV shows:

King of Kensington: instead now as Koskie of Kensington...give him a general store somewhere in rural Manitoba, Cory being unsure what a Kensington even is....more geared to a Toronto audience.

Junior Forest Rangers: A young Cory Koskie out in the woods with a Billy Two Rivers type guide....Cory is learning from Billy how to make his own bat using a tree and rubbing it with sticks and stones...more geared to the older audience (and maybe some kids) and the environmental crowd.

Beachcombers: Cory arrives at Molly's Reach for some off season training by moving some logs around the Pacific...

Littlest Hobo: Cory can't find SkyDome but the intrepid London gets Cory to the game on time....Cory enters the clubhouse (called a dressing room for Cory's benefit) and looks back wistfully as London trots off to yet another good deed de jour.

Nothing Too Good For A Cowboy: Cory tells the ranchers the Blue Jays are going to have a big season. The ranchers are certain Cory is predicting some sort of invasion ala the Hitchcock Birds. Sarah Chalke makes it worthwile all by herself.

Sarah Chalke makes it worthwile all by herself.

I had to look her up...no idea that's who that was. Didn't even know she was Canadian.

Funny show, that Scrubs.

Can we work him into that cartoon with the talking Racoons and the evil pink guy and the AWESOME 80s theme song?

Name escapes me now...

http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/ShowMainServlet/showid-7909/
the talking Racoons and the evil pink guy and the AWESOME 80s theme song?

The Racoons! (COMN)

I loved that show. Koskie would fit right in - playing hockey down on the pond.

the talking Racoons and the evil pink guy and the AWESOME 80s theme song?

The Racoons!

Sir Sneer!!!!

Maybe one day Corey Koskie will make an appearance on "Dudley the Dragon" (my son watches this show).

Is it wrong that I'm so excited that others remember The Raccons with the same fondness that I do?

THE RACOONS!!!

It seems so simple now! Man I was hooked on that show!! Plus that theme was so awesome to listen to why watching Jay's games

"You can run with us... we've got everything you need.....Run with us..."

Someone bring that show back. And Dudley always scared the hell out of me.

I remember the special that launched the series...wasn't it The Christmas Racoons?

What were their names? I just remember Bert.

Nothing to do with a Canadian theme, but if we're gonna go the cartoon, route, cue "The Simpsons" theme music ...

The ... Blue ... Jays ...."

The credits show a cartoon Koskie writing on the blackboard, "I will lead my team to tbe playoffs again for the fourth straigh year ..."

At the end, Wells, Halliday, Koskie and Tosca (in the beehive blue hairdo) race onto the couch and it turns into ... the dugout bench.

The intermediate scenes y'all can fill in.

How about Corey Koskie teaching O-Dog to play road hockey in the parking lot?? and yelling "CAR!" when the team bus pulls in..

How about Cory teaching the O-Dog about curling!

Sweep! Sweep! Sweep!

or, Corey Koskie, Rick Fox, Mike Vanderjagt, and Wendle Clark sitting around the family room, looking for Canadian Players on their Playstation Sports Games!

some sort of play on the great Canadian "Corey"s including Corey Hart, and ummm... never mind....

Koskie takes Doc and Lilly out 5-pin bowling.

Jokes about strikes ensue...I'm just not witty enough to script the humour (clearly there are some good writers here so take it away boys).

OK, A. Corey takes Doc 5-pin bowling, gives him a brief history. Doc picks up the ball, rubs it up and throws a fastball strike that blows a hole out the other end of the lane.

No, no, CK takes Hinske, Adams and O-Dog five-pin bowling, Adams pickes up a ball, flips it to O-Dog who pivots and fires the ball at the pins, destroying them into little pieces. Hudson turns to Hinske and says "You sure you want to play first base, E?"

Mick,

That is brilliant! That's as good as any of the real Baseball North ads of the last two years.

Nice work, Mick. Definately did my contribution justice. Now just to find a bowling ally willing to sacrifice their lanes for the team.

Hrm. I'll see what we can do. I don't know any zombies.

Well, I just came back from the dead - does that count?