Can't anybody here play this game?
-- Casey Stengel

Evidently not.

And if California slides into the ocean
Like the mystics and statistics say it will
I predict this motel will be standing
Until I pay my bill

Was it what you had hoped for?
Was it what you'd expect?
It's all over but the shouting
in my head

Look - no one's going to illuminate you
All the odds are stacked against you
You're just cavin' in, right there in front of me
It's a picture I don't ever want to see

Here I sit so patiently
waiting to find out what price
You have to pay to get out of
going through all these things twice

When I am king
you will be first against the wall
With your opinion
which is of no consequence at all

Gosh, things really aren't going as most of us expected.

And after every plan had failed
And there was nothing more to tell,
You knew that we would meet again,
If your memory served you well.

Sometimes I like to show my age.

The line it is drawn, the curse it is cast
The slow one now will later be fast
As the present now will later be past
The order is rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.

Look who's on top in the NL West.

We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive..." And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats....

Hunter Thompson is gone. There are no frightening bats in the desert.

I am powerless against the allure of EA Sports' MVP Baseball 2005. The controller sits there on the floor, "pick me up", "play me", she will say. She is a formidable temptress, and I am well beyond the point of feigning self-control.

As predicted by many, the 2004 San Diego Padres were much superior to the 2003 rendition of the franchise. They opened PETCO Park in style, jumping from 64 wins to 87 to stake claim to the title of Most Improved Team in the National League. While the Pads fell 5 games short of the playoffs in the end, they were in first place as late as July 7.

Younger Than Yesterday

How in the world did the Rockies avert an eighth consecutive season of falling attendance? They spent only one game on the high side of .500 and fell to 29-49 by early July. Since 1998, when the NL West, expanded to five teams, the Rockies have never finished higher than fourth.

Maybe the weather was responsible. According to the National Weather Service, Denver "finished slightly above normal in temperature and... below normal [in] precipitation."

Pray for more good weather, Colorado fans.

The 2005 San Francisco Giants: Your Father’s Giants

Everyone knows the Giants are old. But how old? Let’s just say that most major leaguers have not even heard of “Sanford and Son,” let alone spent their teenage years watching the show. Not only are the Giants old, but they also keep signing players who are old and bad. The problem with criticizing Brian Sabean’s philosophy is not a minor one: namely, that the Giants keep winning. How? It’s easy to say, “Because they have Barry Bonds, stupid.” Never one to turn away from an easy answer, I’ll agree: as long as they have Bonds, the Giants will be competitive. And thus endeth your 2005 San Francisco Giants preview.

With the ownership situation settled, and Paul DePodesta taking over as General Manager, the Dodgers can finally get down to business. While it is unfortunate that he did not arrive in time to engineer a big trade or free agent signing, DePodesta's General Managerial acumen will help. The formula for 2004 is simple enough: score more runs. In 2003, the Dodgers had the National League's worst offence and best pitching. That does not account for park factor, but Chavez Ravine is the hand that they were dealt: no Jacks. Maybe it was not such a good idea for this team to trade its Ace to the Yankees.

Warning: Contained herein is very likely more information about the Diamondbacks than you'd ever want to know. In other words (as Sting once sang): "Too much information running through my brain; too much information driving me insane". Enter at your own risk.